So …(shuffling papers in front of her), let’s look at the facts. You’re pregnant. Again. And judging by the look of you, five months?
Two months.
Aren’t you too fat to be pregnant?
Wha … what kind of question is that?
I mean, you keep gaining all this weight after the baby is born and you eat because you’re tired.
Yes, but I lose a lot of weight during the pregnancy and so I’ll just be more careful after the birth this time.
Yeah, that’s what you say each time but honestly I don’t believe it. This was supposed to be the year when you got back to your pre-pregnancy weight. And now look at you – you did it again.
(looks down)
(beating the point) With Petit Prince finally in school full time, wasn’t this supposed to be your year to reclaim your inner youth? Whatever happened to the yoga?
I had to stop. I found that I couldn’t lie on my stomach even early on. But you know, the yoga teacher was filled with warmth and encouragement. (perking up) She said that it was amazing news, that there are no accidents in the universe …
Right, well, (snap of the papers) aren’t pregnancies very difficult for you? Don’t you throw up every day for nine months?
…………. excuse me! (retching heard in distance)
Okay let’s focus here. Haven’t you seen our overcrowded planet? What were you thinking, bringing a fourth child into the mix? Isn’t that a little selfish for people living in a first world country?
Well … my gynecologist was very thrilled for me. She said that babies are always good news.
Yes, well, that’s not surprising. The French pay people to produce little patriots.
And who knows, maybe my children will do something great for the planet. They could be doctors or …. alleviate famine or discover a cure for something – they could find the utopian solution for population control! (weak laughter).
There is a solution for population control and you can buy it for a few bucks in the pharmacy.
Well we did (mumbles) ..
What’s that? Speak up! Haven’t you already given all your baby stuff away?
Yes. All of it.
And, aren’t you too old to do this all again? I mean, you’ll be 42 this month! Do you realize that when your youngest is just twenty, you’ll already be 62 years old?
(whimpers painfully) (deep breath) Alright, that’s it. Get out, you and your stock arguments! I am sick enough already without having to battle my own personal demons.
I want happy, uplifting encouraging, faithful thoughts.
And … I think … no food posts for the time being.
