Something to Show for It

January 24th, 2012, In La Femme (The Lady), Tout le Reste (Everything else), by ladyjennie

These guys still haven’t figured out it’s January in a cold-weather climate.

Idiots.

Dumb blonds.

(Jennie! Watch your tongue!)

You lookin at me?

Sorry, just feeling a little grouchy lately. It might be the total lack of sun. It might be the total lack of sugar. (Since the mocha brownie cake on Saturday). It might be the total lack of scintillation.

(Oh wait, that doesn’t mean at all what I thought it did. Pi orbitals anyone?)

So I thought I would bring a few questions to the table today, especially for you stay-at-home moms, or part-time working moms.

HOW DO YOU STAY MOTIVATED???

I have an easy schedule. My kids attend school from 8:30 to 4:30 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Not bad right? That means I get plenty of “me” time. Granted, I make up for it all on Wednesdays when I race between all the kids’ extra-curricular activities and my own English classes that I teach. But for the most part, “me” time.

So guilt sets in with all this gratuitous me time. For example, I could/should be picking them up for lunch at least some of the time so that their long days at school are not quite so long. That’s what a lot of other parents do that don’t work.

But when you’re public school menu reads something like this:

Appetizer: Grated carrots with orange sauce, Main Course: wheat bulgur, zucchini and hoki fish, Third Course: Gouda cheese and cheese from the Pyrenées with organic bread, and Dessert Course: Yoghurt (sample from one of the days from this week), I hardly have any interest in bringing them home just to eat peanut butter and jelly.

So I have this long stretch of time four days a week where the only thing that calls for my attention is preparing for my English classes on Monday and Wednesday afternoon and then on Saturday morning, cleaning the upstairs in anticipation of the said classes, cooking for our Friday night Bible discussion group that meet in our home and preparing for another Bible study that I do on Thursday mornings. That leaves for some major chunks of time to accomplish greatness, wouldn’t you say?

But I’m overwhelmed by the possibilities.

There are so many people to spend time with that I don’t call anyone at all. There are so many projects in the home and garden that I just do the bare essentials (laundry, cooking and dishes) so as not to start hyperventilating from all that is left to get done. There is so much I could do in the abyss that is the blogosphere that I dabble in all sorts of social media and then pull my foot out again when I start to fear the time-suck. I have Paris at my feet but I stay in the comfort of my own home like a little furry creature bent on hibernating.

And there is so much I could do for my kids in the way of involving them and teaching them, but just Young Lady’s homework and music theory alone is enough to send me running to the refuge of my computer (and them to the television) as soon as it’s all over. I don’t know what I’ll do when all three of them are in the same boat and I have officially taken on the role of home professor.

My dedication to my daily naps might have something to do with my inefficiency.

So I ask you, how do you stay motivated? I want something to show for everything I’m doing. I want something to show for my writing, and even the extra time I spend on the computer. (How can I take blogging a notch higher to paid writing)? I want something to show for having cleaned my house yet again. (A disciplined personality perhaps? Certainly not a clean house a mere 5 minutes later). I want something to show for the all the projects, whether it be gardening, organizing or arts and crafts for my kids. (Why doesn’t the end result of having accomplished something feel like enough of a motivator)?

I have my pen and paper at the ready to take notes from all your suggestions. Remember this moment, my fine friends, so that when I have achieved perfection you can comfort yourself that it wasn’t always this way.

In the meantime it’s raining and cold and I’m off to take a nap.

Bisous! xoxo

44 Comments

MommaExpat January 24, 2012

I met with a nutritionist a while back. Her life changing advice is as follows: “If you get off track, you don’t have to wait till tomorrow to get back on. You can restart motivation immediately in your mind. Take a walk and then restart, or take a nap….” It worked a few times for me when I’ve deviated from my original motivation/plan.
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  This is a good point. I did start tackling that mound of laundry instead of taking a nap. I think just writing about it helped me get out of my funk and actually do something.
Stephanie January 24, 2012

Oh my, I don’t think you could have asked a more difficult question! There are days where I am so on top of things and so proud of myself for being so. And then there are just as many days where I don’t get anything done. I have been adjusting a lot of things in my life the last few months and one of them has been my bedtime. I find that when I get to bed by 10:30 I stay on task better the next day. It did mean I had to cut some things. I no longer watch TV. At all! I also took a big step back from blogging and social media. I make my task list for the next day just before I go to bed and I refer to it often the next day.

These are the choices I made and they are beginning to work for me. Maybe one of them will help you
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  I think I need to start making task lists again – those are huge motivators for me, yet I only seem to make them when I have pressing things to do the next day.
Leanne January 24, 2012

I have no idea, my friend . . . .but if you find the secret, please share it with me. After being laid off last July, I thought I’d finally “get my act together”, as I’d have so much more time on my hands, I expected to turn into Martha Stewart during the holidays, Jane Fonda in January (exercising), and Mary Cassatt (painting) through out it all. Instead, I’ve turned into a lump on a log. Unmotivated and overwhelmed by the littlest changes.

I describe it as taking a small turn towards “Funkytown”. I don’t like it. I guess we can only take it one day at a time. maybe make a list of what we want to accomplish and try to get ONE THING accomplished each day, for one week. Then maybe TWO THINGS accomplished in week two. So on and so forth.

That sounds good, don’t you think. Let me know how it goes.
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  Well if you have trouble with it all, that does help to make me feel better. Because it seems like you are a whirlwind of productivity! Perhaps we’re chasing an illusion?
Alison@Mama Wants This January 24, 2012

At the moment, I have no advice. I don’t have a lot of ‘me’ time, so whatever time I do get, I get the basics done (laundry, cleaning, cooking, spending time with the husband) and everything else into blogging. I do manage to make it out of the house once in a while.

Also, I don’t sleep much
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  That’s for sure – I know you don’t sleep much!
Ameena January 24, 2012

I’m sort of trying to get over the lunch menu at your children’s school. And the fact they go from 8:30 to 4:30. So envious. So. Envious.
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  I knew someone would comment about that. I have it pretty good, huh? No cause for complaint.
  
  And yet I manage to …
chickster January 24, 2012

Ooo, I can’t wait for all the great responses to start rolling in and I can take notes! Ever since moving to France and becoming a stay at home wife (we don’t even have kids to keep me busy) I too have been “overwhelmed by the possibilities”.
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  Stay-at-home wife can be daunting too. Anytime you have long stretches of time to yourself and aspire to something other than chores, it can be overwhelming.
rebecca @ altared spaces January 24, 2012

I get it. Possibilities are exhausting. Permission is daunting. There was a time that I finished putting my husband through school and got my little ones to the “bigger” phase and I had time.

And I was stumped.

I didn’t know what to do. I was even sad. I had to completely take ownership for my own life and that terrified me. I was more comfortable, in retrospect, when my days were determined. So, if I needed a nap, I took one…then I got up and went looking for myself. Fortunately I had time to find me.

I wish you patience and compassion as you search.

Now it is better. I have given myself definition by listening to my wants. I cut myself a lot of slack because true motherhood is actually really exhausting for me.
- ladyjennie January 24, 2012
  
  True motherhood is exhausting for me too, and I want to be a good one. I’m gathering ideas and know that I will find myself one of these days, but it will take a lot of patience I fear.
  
  (Thanks for visiting and commenting).
Andi January 25, 2012

I am not a SAHM but I am someone who requires planning and discipline so lists and editorial calendars keep me motivated!
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  Hmmm – not just calendars, but editorial calendars. That’s an interesting idea that I hadn’t thought of.
Tracie January 25, 2012

This is probably a bit of a useless answer…but I don’t know!

I need to know. I need your readers to tell me what to do, because I have felt a real lack of motivation the last few months.
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  So we’re both in the same boat! The main thing that has changed for me is task lists. That’s what’s I’m trying to do now to see if it makes a difference.
Galit Breen January 25, 2012

I have no advice, of course I don’t- ohmygod the laundry! It *never* ends.

But, I love that you wrote and let yourself be snarky but still showcased beautiful photos.

That, seems to me, is a step in the rightest of directions!

xo
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  Thank you Galit. I wish we could chat over folding laundry. That would be fun. I’m about to do two loads right now.
julie gardner January 25, 2012

“There are so many people to spend time with that I don’t call anyone at all. There are so many projects in the home and garden that I just do the bare essentials (laundry, cooking and dishes) so as not to start hyperventilating from all that is left to get done. There is so much I could do in the abyss that is the blogosphere that I dabble in all sorts of social media and then pull my foot out again when I start to fear the time-suck.”

This could have been culled directly from my brain. Except for the gardening part.

Dear heavens. I can’t garden. And my tip for you is to stop that outdoors business entirely. Then you’ll have much more time to worry about not getting anything done.

(See. You didn’t get paper and pencil out for nothing.)

p.s. Of course I’m kidding. I think you are fabulously accomplished and aspire to all kinds of loveliness you display here on a regular basis. (Food, flower, photo, family. Beautiful, all. And a sign of success, indeed.)
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  I think I should garden. I am supposed to be a French Martha Stewart capable in all areas of the home, kitchen and garden.
  
  (excuse me, I’m choking a little).
tracy@sellabitmum January 25, 2012

I agree with Julie -stop that gardening. No advice as I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing…but I drink a few pots of coffee a day that seems to help quite a bit? Love you. xo
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  Hmmmm. I drink tons of coffee too and that only puts me to sleep after the first caffeinated boost. Maybe I need to drink even more.
elizabeth-flourishinprogress January 25, 2012

It is so, so hard for me to stay motivated. If I have one productive day, it’s pretty much a given that the next day, I will not want to do anything. At all. Like not lift a single finger. This is something I’ve been working on over the past few years and it hasn’t gotten any better. So then I start to feel a lot of guilt over it.

p.s. our family will be in Paris in June. I would just die of excitement if we could have a croissant and some coffee together.
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  Yes! I remember you’re coming and totally expect to meet up. Can’t wait!
Jessica January 26, 2012

This is truly me as well, I spend so much time trying to decide how to spend my time that I get nothing done. Also? What a menu from school, that is amazing.
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  Well I’m glad I’m not the only one. And I’ve seen how productive and arts-and-crafty you are, so that makes me feel loads better.
Jackie January 26, 2012

I am all for naps and if you’re able to get one then keep up the good work!
I truly believe that the weather is playing a large part in the lack of motivation … or maybe that’s just for me. When the weather is cold, we, & gray I just can’t seem to find the energy to do much of anything.
And that lunch… I am in complete awe of what your children are served for lunch! It’s incredible compared to the lunches that the schools here serve!
- ladyjennie January 26, 2012
  
  I think you’re right about the weather. I mean, who wants to stroll around the Seine in the pouring rain?
dusty earth mother January 26, 2012

I schedule myself for a project, i.e. “Monday 1pm–figure out affiliate links, you idiot”. That seems to help. Otherwise, I just flounder. I feel your napping pain.
- ladyjennie January 27, 2012
  
  Hey that’s what I’m missing. I’m sure if I call myself an idiot I will get lots more done.
Mom January 26, 2012

Can you download a book on your MP3 and listen to it while you do the boring stuff?
Martha Stewart makes us all feel inadequate, but don’t forget she ended up in jail.
- ladyjennie January 27, 2012
  
  Mom – good point!
  
  You are my hero for being productive and accomplishing projects.
Amina January 27, 2012

At least it means you got back to your normal life and so no more depression;-) For me is fluctuate ; last week I’ve turned into Martha stewart, this week I drop off my children in yoga pants, I let’s you imagine the rest of the day:-( I’m not worried, can you imagine eating everyday the same meal, reading the same book, or listening the same music. So next week I’ll let you know what I’ve become….(Maybe Bree Van de camp)

Bon je te laisse tu doit être dépité avec tant d’ânerie débité au kilomètre.
…..
- ladyjennie January 27, 2012
  
  Matthieu a dit que tu avais fait du progrès en anglais.
  
  I wish you were here with me my friend. I miss wearing yoga pants together and drinking Starbucks.
Jennifer January 27, 2012

I know just what you mean. Somehow the more time I have, the less I get done. I always seem to find time for the fun things (coffee with friends! catching up on DVRed TV shows!) but the tedious things like laundry and housecleaning? Those get pushed to the back burner far too often. I don’t really have any brilliant suggestions for you. The only thing I’ve done to help me stay on top of it all is to make a cleaning/household task schedule with specific tasks for each day of the week. I divided all the tasks up and assigned them each to a certain day of the week, and then there’s another section for all those annoying jobs that have to be done but not every day (i.e., clean out the car, empty the fireplace, clean the refrigerator, take in the recycling). Every day I have to do my assigned job for the day, run one load of laundry (at least), and choose one chore from the “occasional” list. And because I’m so super-organized (or an OCD freak, if you ask my husband), I put all this into a chart, laminated it and hung it on my fridge. Every day I check off the tasks as I finish them. I can’t say it’s a perfect system, but it helps to keep me from feeling completely overwhelmed.

Now that I see it typed out, it does seem kind of crazy but it really helps me.
- ladyjennie January 28, 2012
  
  No, not crazy – admirable!!!
Wombat Central January 28, 2012

Oh, how I understand your day! I, too, am looking for productivity tips!

My kids are in school for seven hours (including bus rides), and I STILL can’t seem to to get this house together. I mean, shouldn’t it be showroom ready at all times? Ugh. Maybe since I feel like this should be the goal, it’s overwhelming.

I like the idea of a task list for each day. I tried to explain to my husband recently that any housework I do is almost immediately undone. That, in itself, can be somewhat defeating. I did attempt to follow “The Fly Lady” once, but I found myself searching for a fly swatter soon after.

I do shoot for two loads of laundry a day, and I’m getting better about folding them while the kiddos are brushing their teeth at night or while it’s their turn to read aloud. Baby steps!
- ladyjennie January 28, 2012
  
  I know just what you mean, but isn’t it so pathetic that a day well spent is one where we have cleaned??? Something is wrong here – aaaagh! (grin)
SE January 28, 2012

Okay, I also suffer from the ‘time, where did it go?’ syndrome… and can I make a point here about mothering? Just because they’re in school all day does not mean they aren’t consuming your time. Along with the endless housework and errands, there’s the worry and stress that never really leaves. When I was writing during my children’s school day, I would find myself staring off into space wondering, ‘is she getting sick? felt hot this morning, I should have tea handy, and his teacher said math issues, should I find a tutor, or wait, or maybe the school sucks, find a better school….. her coat’s getting small, will it make it through the winter’…and on and on. The only thing that helped me was to spit out all the worry on “morning pages” (from Julia Cameron’s Artist Way book). It would clear my mind enough to accomplish the writing goals. And let me tell you, there aren’t many other goals that I can say that about! And also, I decided the house got one hour, no more. Otherwise it can suck up your life. And sorry to throw fuel on the fire here- but I think you should write a book! Let everything else satellite around that- you are an amazing writer, how about a book chronicling your marriage/move to France?

Sorry, I don’t know if any of that’s helpful. But I am rooting for you and want you to spend time on the things that will satisfy you and bring you joy. You deserve joy.
- ladyjennie January 31, 2012
  
  You’re right about the time consumption that goes into just thinking about the kids – that didn’t occur to me!
Jackie Cangro January 30, 2012

Instead of a resolution (I always break `em), I decided to make a theme for myself this year. Just one or two words to keep me on track toward a goal. So when I get distracted by television or naps (I love naps), I remind myself to FOCUS. It reminds me to ask myself if this activity is going to bring me closer to my goal.
Your word, of course, can be whatever makes sense for you. So far it’s working out well. I’ve spent about an hour each night after working at my day job editing my novel. FOCUS
- ladyjennie January 31, 2012
  
  Wow – I am so impressed at your dedication to your novel after your brain has been fried from working all day. I know this is going to produce great results, this consistent effort.