I dreamt about a wave last night. I can’t tell whether the waterway I accessed was supposed to be an amusement park ride, like one we went to recently, or whether it was a canal-way that was supposed to take me out of danger. But I stepped into the water, and was carried away.
I’m a good swimmer, so I watched with interest, rather than alarm, when the wave grew higher and higher, taking me a terrifying distance from the sea bottom. My amusement park ride – slash – canal had, by now, turned into the ocean.
I started to consider that the wave would inevitably break. It was so high – of course it had to break at some point. I mulled over the fact that I might die, if it broke and I was swept under, good swimmer that I am.
Then I looked down.
If I hadn’t already been convinced that I needed to be terrified, what I saw cinched the matter. I watched killer whales circling the bottom of the sea floor. They were easy to see in the shallow coast since most of the water was swept up into the tide that was about to break with me in it.
These killer whales were not the friendly, tame ones that you see at Marineland. They circled ominously below, like sharks. They were just waiting for me to fall.
I considered that this was right about the time I should start to panic, but I didn’t. Somehow, just like the wave that wouldn’t break, neither did my fear. The wave and my fear were both contained.
God was holding me. I heard him tell me in my dream, although I didn’t hear any words. He was effortlessly holding the water in place, and would not let the tide break with me in it. He told me that I should not be afraid, because he was holding me. So I wasn’t afraid.
Now, I can figure out where this dream came from. This rumbling state of panic that I’ve been facing the last couple of months with my need to earn money as an author/ blogger, now that I’m not teaching English anymore – combine that with a recent excursion to a water park, and a conversation about both sharks and killer whales, and you have yourself a perfectly explainable dream.
But what I found unusual, and … precious, was the absolute assurance that God would not let the wave break, and me be swept away with it.
I’m glad I take my dreams with a pinch of curiosity rather than prophecy, even though they do sometimes come true. Otherwise I might start to get nervous about what kind of tidal wave is coming my way.
I’m not nervous.
(or only a teeeeeeny bit nervous because that’s my MO).
Today, I struggled in my usual way, balancing the trip to the grocery store and the gym, with my online writing class and my blog and the FB groups that I moderate/ am part of, and my kids’ homework and music practice and laundry and a messy house and dinner and my boys wrestling on the couch and my girl asking me German questions … I don’t speak German.
In the midst of all that, a friend called and asked if I would speak at an upcoming event on being rooted in God – you know, just share my heart. No profound teaching or anything. And this invitation made me feel so honoured and touched, it sort of took my breath away.
Suddenly, my heart welled with that same melting feeling that I’d experienced in my dream the night before. The feeling of being so totally loved and secure and unafraid. He believes in me! I thought. God believes in me! as the memories and feelings of my dream came rushing back. It was a tiny moment, this encouragement – a small reminder of a truth that had already been proven through the death and resurrection of Jesus. Yes! Of course God believes in us.
But the timing of the moment was impeccable.
I know, I know. Everything in its time. This little blog, my little books, our little house, my little worries. They won’t come crashing down just because I’m not paddling furiously to keep up with the tide.
I suppose this is the point in the post where I should clue you in that I don’t actually have a point.
Except … that maybe it’s to remind you that God’s got you too. And he believes in you. And he won’t let you come crashing down.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.