Three years ago I had a surprise pregnancy. And almost exactly at the same time, Anna Donaldson lost her twelve-year old son in a flash flood in the DC area. I gained a son, and she lost one.
Anna Donaldson, author of Rare Bird
For the fifteen weeks until I miscarried, I followed her blog. And I cried along with her and all the other people who were there to support her whole family. As time passed, I made some tentative overtures, and we became friends.
It wasn’t my miscarriage that helped me to understand some of what she was experiencing. I had already experienced for myself what it felt like to grieve intensely in my early adulthood. And as traumatising as it was to lose a baby in the second term, I knew that it could never ever compare to what Anna was going through.
People sometimes say that flocking to blogs where someone is grieving is like rubber-necking. Crowds stop to gawk from the sidelines, relieved that the bad news is happening to someone else. I didn’t follow Anna’s blog before she lost Jack, but like so many others, I wasn’t there to gawk. I was there to grieve with her.
Sometimes … people just want to be present for the grieving, to cry with them. Sometimes we just want to walk with them wherever they are going, even when it’s not comfortable.
Anna and I met the following summer, and we’ve been regular correspondents ever since. And now – out of my love for her, her family, and her incredible boy Jack, I want to tell you a little about her book, Rare Bird, which will be available for sale on September 9th on Amazon. You don’t have to have suffered the same thing in order for this book to feel like a beacon of light.
This is the review I posted on GoodReads:
There are almost no words to describe how much this book moved me. If you have suffered grief and want to see how to reach the other side of the chasm,
or if you have faith, and you want to see how it can survive the worst nightmare a parent can undergo,
or if you’re a mom, and you worry that your heart won’t survive the knowledge of just how fragile our power is to protect our children . . . then this book is for you.
Yes, it’s hard to read about something so tragic it can leave you sobbing until you can’t breathe. But Anna writes about it in a way that is both heart-rending and practical. Her voice is both raw – a heart that beats, visible and throbbing with pain – and it is real, so that you find yourself nodding your head, laughing in teary sympathy, as life carries on in the big ways and the small.
Rare Bird lives up to its name. It is unquestionably about the loss of Anna’s son, Jack, who is like no other boy. But it is also about a unique love that extends beyond the grave – a rare love that reaches its tendrils down from heaven and envelops those who are still on this side.
The picture we have of Jack on our refrigerator.
And if you want to hear from Anna yourself, she introduces her book in this beautiful video clip:
There’s something else I want to add to this post, which is very much related to the topic at hand. Many of you know I lost my brother to suicide twenty years ago. The day after Anna’s book on grief and hope comes out – on September 10th – it is World Suicide Prevention Day 2014, an initiative that is called “One World Connected.”
Here in Paris, SOS Help (the button below and on my sidebar) will gather with fellow organizations at the “village associative” to raise awareness at the market in Place Baudoyer.
September 10, 11am – 5pm
Place Baudoyer
75004 Paris
October 12, 12 pm – 4 pm
Orrick Law Offices
31, avenue Pierre 1er de Serbie
75016 Paris
More detailed information can be found on the events page of the website. And if you are in Paris and are struggling, please call! You can get through. Details are below, and – as always – on the sidebar of my blog.
I sobbed along with Anna, and cheered her on as she and her family did their best to rally around themselves, and most importantly, Margaret, who lost her only brother. How difficult it is to write about loss, but even more so, to write about hope in the face of loss. And Anna did it. Love her, and YOU!
Alison recently posted…I Am A Good Mother
She did! There was such a focus on the hope, which is what makes this book so beautiful.
Thank you, Jennie, for this lovely review and also for helping teach me about reaching out to others.
anna whiston-donaldson recently posted…How (NOT) to Save on School Supplies
Love you Anna.
What a great review, Jennie. I agree with every word you wrote here about Anna’s book and experience. She is a wonderful mother and friend, and taught me so much about grief through her story. xoxo
Andrea recently posted…Summer by the Numbers
She is. I feel like I really benefitted from her insight.
Exactly – we just want to be present for them. Love Anna so much. And you. xo
tracy recently posted…My First Stitch Fix Was A Big #fail
((hugs)) Tracy!
I can’t recall just how I stumbled upon “An Inch of Gray” blog, but I am so, so glad I did. You’re exactly right – we aren’t rubber necking when we follow Anna; rather, we’re grieving right alongside her. Sharing her journey and her insights and realizing that we’re all in this together. I look forward to reading this book and sharing it far and wide.
Beautiful review.
This line: “Sharing her journey and her insights and realizing that we’re all in this together.” sums it up perfectly, Kim!
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt review. Looking forward to receiving my own copy of the book!
Korinthia Klein recently posted…Travels and Tribulations
It’s really good!
Yes to being there and sitting with the grief – even if it is virtually. Anna is lucky to have you on her team, my friend. xox
Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted…Coming Out
Thank you, dear friend.
Your review was beautiful Jennie.
Anna’s book has been a place of healing for me, an island of comfort in the wake of my brother’s death.
I read her words and allowed myself to feel the emotions I was ashamed of or scared of. Her writing opened parts of me and gave me a way to grieve.
I love her and her story so much, thank you for sharing your words about her book.
Kir recently posted…Summer Bloggin’ (Old School Blogging)
It helps so much to go through grief when you read about it. At the very least we don’t feel alone. ((hugs))
It’s an incredible book and you did it justice with your lovely review. I remember those days, Anna’s unbelievable grief, your loss, my own, and I agree with you 100% I read blogs to grieve as a community. xoxo, my friend, I miss you! I have become the worst blogger ever.
I miss your words! But you’re definitely not the worst FRIEND ever, and all the rest is insignificant. 🙂
I pre-ordered Anna’s book (I think on the day it was available) and am awaiting its delivery in September.
Her story (the beauty, power, strength of her words) leaves me speechless, a rarity indeed.
I agree with you wholeheartedly!
I “met” Anna the same way, after the loss of Jack. And all I could think about at the time was how terribly heart-wrenching her experience was (is) and how I would continue to live if it happened to me. I love that in her book she shows us how she is doing it, even through such tragic loss.
Elaine A. recently posted…Keeping The Spark Alive…
Yes – that it’s not just a “weeks after” story, but a “years after” story, showing that you can go on.
This was such a generous post in every way.
Nina recently posted…Announcing My Newest Project
Thank you, friend.
I just sat and stared at my computer screen for a few minutes, because you’ve packed so much beauty and kindness and heart in there that I got a little overwhelmed and didn’t know where to begin. I love the distinction you make between stopping by to gawk vs. lending yourself to grief. I haven’t been to Anna’s blog, but even just from looking at her picture I’m inspired by the strength of her spirit. I’m very glad I met you, Jennie.
Katia recently posted…My ‘Before School Starts’ Bucket List
That’s such a wonderful way to put it, Jennie, that this book is about a unique love. It absolutely is, and the reader definitely feels it.
Arnebya recently posted…Continuing – A Review of Anna Whiston-Donaldson’s #RareBird