A Gentle Tongue

At the beginning of November, our family attended a church retreat in Belgium. It’s the sister assembly of our church in Paris so we know a lot of members there, both from having been invited to Brussels once (my husband preached the message) and from meeting each year for the pre-teen camps in Switzerland. This year, while we were there, I was honoured to have been asked to speak to the women on the topic of “parler avec une langue douce” which translates to “speak with a gentle tongue”.

Of course, when I told my husband the topic on which I’d be instructing my worthy sisters in Christ, he laughed. That did not bode well for my “leading by example.”

I am (nevertheless) going to share my thoughts with you, but before I do that, I wanted to mention that I’ll be taking a step out of my usual routine by posting again tomorrow – a short and sweet post. I want to announce the winners of the two signed copies of my new book release, and I want to announce another piece of good news as well.

In French, the word “douce” – as in une langue douce, or a gentle tongue – can also mean sweet. You talk about desserts as being douce in the same way you talk about people being douce. In pondering what it means to have a sweet tongue, therefore, it was natural to make the leap and examine what the opposite of that would be. Well, if it’s not sweet, then what else is there?

1. A sour tongue 

When I thought about my own tongue tendencies, I had to admit that I have an acidic tongue. I’m sharp-tongued. I’m a truth-teller, and it’s taken me more years than it should to see where love is supposed to fit into all that. This scripture convicts me about the importance of humility and goodness over sharp truth-telling:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. (James 3:13-15)

When I’m sharp-tongued, I’m not displaying the wisdom I might think I am. Wisdom is revealed through deeds done in humility, not in having the perfect retort. 1 Corinthians 8:1 further convicts: We know that, “We all possess knowledge.” But knowledge puffs up while love builds up.

A sour tongue is a proud, cynical tongue that thinks it knows better. Not the tongue we’re striving for here.

 

2. A bitter tongue

There is also the bitter tongue. And when we think of bitter, our thoughts naturally go to Naomi in the book of Ruth, whose husband and two sons died while they were living as foreigners in Moab.

“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.” (Ruth 1:20)

Her pain was understandable, and God was patient with her until she was able to see His goodness again. But then there are those bitter tongues that refuse to acknowledge God. In this, I am reminded of the man with one talent, who displayed a gross lack of understanding of who God is.

“Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’ (Matthew 25:24)

This always gets to me – this assumption that God is a hard man, or in other versions, a “cruel master”. Oh, so you know that about God, do you? You, who have lived so many years and know so much.

A bitter tongue is an angry tongue. It’s a refusal to keep our eyes fixed on what is good and honourable and what we know to be true about God – what we already have in the way of blessings.

Once again, not something to aim for.

3. A salty tongue.

In this, of course, I am not referring to the salt of the earth that Jesus encourages us with in his Sermon on the Mount. I’m talking about James 3:9-12

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

I don’t know about you, but this kind of tongue crops up most when I’m driving. The words don’t come out, but they spring up and fill my head and are apparent in my facial features and gestures. But we can’t have a gentle tongue at the same time as a salty tongue. Fresh water and salt water do not flow from the same source. In the same way, we cannot praise God and curse others and think this is acceptable.

A salty tongue is a tongue that is enraged and lacks respect toward God and our fellow human beings.

A sweet tongue

So coming back to a sweet tongue, where does it come from and how do you get it? Well Jesus tells us in Luke 6:45 (NRSV)

The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.

So the state of our heart dictates what trips off the tongue. We cannot be moderate, calm, patient, conciliatory, affectionate and gentle with our words if we are not moderate, calm, patient, conciliatory, affectionate and gentle in our heart.

To this we must look at Jesus, who was all those things. I elaborated on the sweetness of Jesus’ nature in this post about The Optimism of Jesus, and I won’t go into too much detail here since the points are already written. But I believe praying and striving to be transformed into his sweetness is the key to our speaking with gentle tongues. I think a lot of times our words are bitter, salty, or acidic because deep inside we have have no hope. Or we forget we have hope – it gets buried. We’re frustrated by life and circumstances. We feel things are unfair. We’re fearful, angry, sad… and so we lash out with our words.

Jesus had cause for all that, and more. Rejected by his countrymen, abandoned by his friends, mocked by his enemies, tortured by those in power, and separated from God, whom he had known intimately from before the existence of time — he faced a stress of impossible proportions. And yet, what were his words right before he went to the Cross?

“I have said this to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33)

What were his words on the Cross?

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:43

“Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” (John 19:26)

Jesus was able to speak gentle words under the most intense physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pressure because of his joy in God, because of his certitude in God’s perfect will and plan, and because of his intrinsic knowledge of God’s goodness. He was able to speak with a gentle tongue because of the joy that bubbled up inside him, and which overflowed to wash away the sins and troubles of a multitude of weary, beaten souls.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

If we want to speak with a gentle tongue, our hearts, minds, and thoughts need to be fixed on Jesus and the joy set before him. Our eyes must be on Him until his joy becomes our own.

If you’d like to read more of my posts on faith, click here.

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