When we were little, we went to the library every single week. If it was nice weather, we walked there, about 25 minutes there and back. This was willingly done. With no video games, DVDs, computers, iphones, and with limited television time, there was simply not much else to do. I keep thinking I’m going to take my kids to the library, but then they won’t be reading any English books (which they don’t anyway), and I get frustrated and give up on the idea.
My mother started me on the classics early on. I was still in Junior High when I had nothing to read and she suggested I try Gone With the Wind. “Just try it!” she said, “You never know. You might like it.”
I did. And I was very proud of myself for having read such a mammoth novel. By the time I was out of high school, I had read most of Jane Austen and was heading into Dickens on my spare time. When I left college and started traveling, I got into the Russians – reading much of Dostoevsky, Tolstoy and Turgenev.
At the time, I suppose some of it had to do with snobbery. I wanted to be well-read so I could hold my own in conversation. But I also devoured these books because I truly took delight in a well-turned phrase, in the unexpected humor that would come out of the deep analysis of the soul. The only drawback in reading the Great Masters of Literature is that I was too frozen to write a word myself. I knew I would never be a genius and I didn’t want to put out mediocre work.
I had tried some poetry, had written ten chapters of an unpromising book that was all description and no plot. And even though I still made attempts at drawing up characters and plots, I pretty much wrote myself off as a writer – so to speak.
The turning point came when I was sitting with the Editor of the Message (English speaking mothers) magazine, watching our daughters take ice skating lessons. She mentioned in passing that she was looking for stories, and on impulse, I said I might have a story about death and faith that could be written carefully to take into account the diverse readership.
To my great joy, the article was published, and was accepted “as is,” even though it was over the word limit. And following that, I had two more pieces, which were lighter in nature, published in the proceeding magazines that came out.
Eventually I decided to start a blog. I have no idea how it came about because I barely knew what a blog was. I think I had only read one, where I was cognizant of the fact that what I was reading was someone’s blog. But we had moved into our house, and I finally had roots, and I guess I felt like I had something to say.
From there I have had successes and failures – from gaining readers who are very forgiving of me as I bare my soul, bring up controversial topics, and don’t always reply to a comment or visit a blog back (not intentional neglect, just life’s craziness) – to not sky-rocketing to instant blogging fame in quite the way I had hoped.
Then last April, while our family was visiting Provence, I started my book. The grief and joy that I had experienced over the years had started to bubble over until I was compelled to pen it out, and this time the plot was already in place. And this time the plot was awesome, because the author was God. (You get what I mean right? Not trying to be blasphemous here).
So I wrote and wrote til all 26 chapters were written, at times copying straight out of my blog in my eagerness to actually complete something. And then I handed it to Julie, sick with apprehension, who – far from berating me for bothering her with such an unpolished scrap of writing – congratulated me for finishing, and told me my story was good. (How did I get to have friends like this)?
And then I gave it to Rosalind (the aide de camp in my wedding chapter), who painstakingly and lovingly edited it, only to hand it to my friend Lesley, who lovingly and firmly told me I could do better. Lesley was right, and I started to add those sensory details she was talking about to bring the story to life. (Sensory what? But I get it now – I get it!).
When I first started my blog, I dared to call myself a blogger. When I finished my book, I started to question if I were not, in fact, a writer. And although one does not need to finish a book to be a writer (one can perfectly well write articles and posts that are full of genius), I am now daring to call myself just that. In fact, I uttered those words for the first time a week ago.
I had been rushing to get Chapter 12 up on time and it was not coming together. I was so frustrated because we had so many things going on, I simply had no time to iron out the kinks. Matthieu and I had a date planned to see his brother perform in Paris, and all I could do was grumble that I never had enough time to write and that I didn’t want to go out because it would take away precious time from my work.
In the car, I continued, “It’s not fair. When you work, everyone knows not to bother you. It’s sacred time. And when you’re not working from home, you can go to the office and be uninterrupted until you’re done.”
I added a little sheepishly, “I mean, I know you bring home the paycheck and everything.”
“But for me, I have to squeeze it in wherever I can. I have to squeeze it in around the English classes, the grocery shopping, cleaning the floors, walking the dog, doing the homework with the kids, cooking dinner. I have so little time to focus on my work! But I’m a writer! I’ve finally let myself admit that I’m a writer!” I said passionately. “It’s all I ever think about. But I’m not validated just because I haven’t made any money on it yet.”
Matthieu heard me out, and then said, “I’m glad you brought it up because we’ve never talked about this before. The thing is, I do think you’re a good writer, but I wish you could go about it like a job too. I wish you could focus solely on that so when the family was together, you could really be with us, instead of sitting in front of the computer working on your writing.”
“In fact,” he continued, “That’s one of the reasons I want to finish the studio – so we can put a desk in there for you and that can be your office. You can leave your computer in there, and when you’re done writing for the day, you just close the computer and join the family.”
I was arrested by this intriguing vision – to have my husband think up this plan for me was an incredibly validating act of love.
This is our studio.
It needs so much work.
But one day I will open the window –
and this will be my view. Yes, yes, the laurel tree looks like it got a bad haircut. We needed to reach the pump and the branches were growing over it.
In the Spring the rose bush over the well will be in bloom, and in the summer everything will be green.
We plan to paint the studio white and these shutters blue.
And I’ve already set out the blue, ceramic planters in anticipation.
One day soon I will have an office fit for a writer, because that’s what I am.
I finally removed my Memoire out of the file folder labeled, “Final Attempt” (true story) and put it into its own file folder called “Life in the Trenches.” I had put my most recent stories into a Final Attempt folder because I decided that as much as I wanted to be a writer, I didn’t have the necessary skill. Maybe you think that about your own writing too, but I think if you have the passion, the skill can be perfected.
When I wrote my memoir, I first got the words out, and as I continued to write it, the direction I was heading became apparent. Then I relied on gracious and validating friends to give me honest feedback, before breaking down the overwhelming task of making the book come to life by editing one chapter a week, and focusing only on that chapter.
And then … I put it out there, finding that my skill in writing longer pieces, which was non-existent, had been improved upon. And I hope this will continue to be the case.
What about you, my friends? Have you thought about writing? Are you a burgeoning writer, passionate about finding your voice, but doubtful that you have what it takes to get it out there?
To you, I entreat, go easy on yourself. It’s early yet for Final Attempts!
That space is amazing. Just perfect for a talented writer like you, my friend. xo
🙂
What a wonderful gift… finally validating ‘yourself!’ Yes, Jennie…you are a writer! And, a very lucky writer at that. Having a writing space just for you!
May I have an 8/10 autographed photo?
#ThankingYouInAdvance
PS…I’ve done a little writing. As you might guess…humor and satire
Yes and I shore wish I could see more of your writing, as skillful you are with a quip and a blurb. 😉
Oh my dear friend I still mean every word.
You DID it.
You’re doing it.
So many people wish to write a book and you have.
And not just any book. A special, contemplative, lovely manuscript only Jennie could have created.
You’ve already done the thing people dream of and I am so very proud of you.
(blushing) (so pleased) 🙂
I think that this is your calling. You are a talented and very engaging writer. You write with fluidity…holy shit…that’s a big word for this early in the morning…
I’m so glad that you’re going for it. I wish I had the courage like you do.
You are brilliant.
And I am so honoured to be reading your story.
xoxo
Are you kidding me? Your very fiber is made of courage. And you are a VERY good writer Ms Kimberly.
I finished this post with the biggest smile on my face. That writing space is perfect and I am so excited for you to have it ready.
The paragraph about feeling like you not having time or space to write speaks to me so much. That is how I feel daily. A year ago my husband was trying to convince me to leave behind my blog and focus on writing a book, and I just told him honestly that I didn’t have the time or the space to work on it uninterrupted. And that is what I would need.
I have considered myself a writer ever since I was an early teenager. But I have never allowed myself to say it out loud until recently. Now, I have to prove it.
Say it out loud because you’re already proving it!
I loved this post! I love the new space – it’s so very French and sweet and cozy. 🙂
My husband and I were talking about this last night too. I asked him, “Do you think I’m a good writer?” He said, “Yes, of course. I think you’re a great writer. I just wish you wouldn’t reveal so much about you, and us, and our son.” And I understand, because he is so very private. And yet, I am driven to write this stories because they are so relatable. Some day, when I can quit the corporate hamster wheel and can write uniterrupted when my son is in school, I will get organized and write a book. I will.
Great post!
I wish your husband understood how empowering it is to be vulnerable. But I do understand the desire for privacy. You may be gearing for a career in fiction, where you can let your imagination roam free without constraint.
I so, so understand this. I’ve whispered “I’m a writer” in the quiet of my therapist’s office, to my family, to close friends, but to give voice to a wider audience is terrifying. I’m scared someone will stand up and yell, “You? You are no writer.” But I am, and I know I am because writing feels like home. It is that thing inside of me that I know that I am even if no one else gets it. Like how I was a mom before I had kids. It is just a part of me.
Yup! You simply cannot deny what is part of you.
Beautiful – your path, your words, your space. We are similar places, you and I, despite so much distance between us.
I wish we lived closer by so we could hang out. Or at least kick each other in the writer’s butt! 😉
Bravo, to you and to your husband, for naming you what you are. Stephen King (yes, that Stephen King) has a great book on writing (seriously) and one of the things he says is that in order to write, you have to get your butt in the chair. To “be” a writer you have to write. And like Virginia Woolf said, you need a room of your own in which to do that, where you’re not on the first line of homework needing help, squabbles needing suppression, dinner decisions being made….all the blahblahblah that reverberates through most of our lives…. I can’t wait to see what the office helps you produce!
I had no idea Virginia Woolf did anything so prosaic as homework or dishes!
Hey – have you ever taken a picture of your space? I would love to see it! Finally, something worthy of you.
That studio looks amazing. Can I come visit you?
I too have to squeeze it in whenever I can. I do some writing for a local site, and my husband says he can’t wait for the day when I don’t “have” to do that and can focus more on what I want to write. Because my blog and my ideas get put on the backburner. I’m really holding out for the big girls starting kinder in the fall and their little sister going to preschool 3 mornings a week.
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That does make a big difference when you have some you time. But it does get sucked up quickly by housework and groceries etc. Even when you get longer chunks of you time!
I look forward to your new chapters every week……..love your writing……..studio is lovely……….how will you stop your kids from banging on the door every 5 minutes?????!!!!!!!!!……………
Now that is a super encouraging thing to hear!!
I am refreshed and encouraged by how many writers have responded to this post so openly and, at times, desperately! I am one of this group of souls who is constantly pushing this writing “thing” to the bottom of the to-do list in favor of all the other tasks that make up a life. Often at the end of the day I have not saved enough time to write, which is why my blog postings are so sporadic, and why I haven’t done much other writing. It angers and saddens me, and yes, makes me resentful of my husband at times, whose work is precious to our family – we just couldn’t survive without it. My family knows that we would survive if I didn’t write, but the question I ask myself is: Can I?
Love you and your new space – it looks magical!
Andrea recently posted…Deviled Eggs
That last bit is so powerful! Your family can survive, but can you?
Oh, I so relate to that.
My husband and I just recently moved to France for 6 months, and one of my goals (as I am not working) is to focus more on my writing and to see if it is just a dream in the clouds or something concrete. I signed up, and started this past week a Writer’s Workshop at Shakespeare and Company, and I found it exhilarating to have the opportunity to write, respond, and discuss our own work and other pieces of literature with a group of peers.
Kudos to you for pursuing your dreams, and giving voice to the fact that you are indeed a writer. I look forward every Monday for the next chapter 🙂
Ellie recently posted…To The Moon And Back: Mon Miel
I can’t wait to see what exciting thing comes out of this Ellie! Usually if we care enough about writing to set aside special time for a workshop, there’s something there.
What a great response you got from your husband when you talked about your writing wishes and frustrations! It’s so great to have support in what you love doing.
We started renovations on our house yesterday, with the goal of moving our bedroom into the basement, my son’s room into our old bedroom and guess what – my office will be my son’s old bedroom!
I’m very excited about this and I’m so looking forward to going in there and closing the the door.
I already write a lot now (my third book was just published), but I have never had my own space to do so. It’s been a challenge… now I’m ready to take it to the next level!
I can’t wait to see pictures of your studio. I love what I’ve read so far on your blog and I’m glad I found you through a link Alison tweeted. Looking forward to reading more!
Hi Kerstin – I’m so glad to have you here. Congratulations on your successes! I know having the space is going to make a difference – it’s thrilling to be so validated. 🙂
I am simply swooning over your space. JEALOUS too. I know exactly what you are talking about up there. Having to squeeze your writing in. Oh, if only I could treat my writing like a real job! It’s a recurring thought. Your studio sounds (and looks) like a dream.
The thing is you have writing AND photography – so many creative juices flowing! You need to have the space to do that.
How wonderful for you to have your own space. It is hard to separate your writing from your family time and I’m so happy your husband wants to facilitate this for you. I have these talks inside my own head all the time, but I have never said them out loud to my husband.
I’m glad you recognize that just because you haven’t earned money (yet) sharing your words doesn’t mean you’re not a writer. You have readers – many who are awaiting your next chapter!
Poppy recently posted…A Hamburger Party For Hank
Poppy, I do hope you tell your husband! 🙂
(And thank you so much).
I love that you will have this amazing studio for you to write! It will be just perfect for you.
Kimberly recently posted…The Little Things
I LOVE that writing studio
Something Austin might have written in !! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted…An Imitation Life on Carnival Cruise Lines
So pleased to have discovered your blog and looking forward to keeping up with your adventures. I relate to much of what you write here … about being an accidental, and yet not-so-accidental writer. 🙂
Jen recently posted…The gift of a complicated question
Jen, I thought I responded, but now it doesn’t look like I did. Maybe I just left a comment on your blog. Anyway, thank you for being here! 🙂
I’m so jealous of the studio that I can’t remember all my other comments. But, yes, you are a writer. And yes, I recognize myself in your words, the giving up, but not being able to let it go.
anymommy recently posted…Readers live a thousand lives