If you’ve been reading my blog regularly, you know it’s been a challenging couple of weeks. It actually started in August with some divine discipline, and continued into September/October with acute depression – in part because this is the time of year I suffered loss. And then everything came to a head over the last two weeks in despair and hope.
To back up, two weeks ago, my husband was in New York so we did not get to celebrate his birthday together. He was concerned about leaving our family because I was barely functioning through my depression at the time. I also had walking pneumonia (or something like it) and did not know it, and which certainly did not help. My heavy lungs were a physical manifestation of how heavy life felt. During that week, I sought advice on a forum for what to do with my biting dog, and was shocked to see that the main advice given was to put him to sleep. I was also praying for a friend’s 3-yd old daughter who was facing a life-threatening surgery, plus another friend who seemed to be losing her battle against cancer, when I got the news that an old friend from my days in NY had just died from cancer when I didn’t even know she was sick. I couldn’t stop crying.
My husband came home in time for the weekend, and together we prayed that Hunter would never bite anyone again. My friend’s daughter came through the surgery like a champ, and is now home (!), and I had the comfort of my husband’s presence when I needed to go to SOS Medecin with a urinary-tract infection (and where I was finally diagnosed with a “bronchite pneunomie”). Things seemed to be getting better (except for the rat swimming up from the sewer into our toilet bowl).
But then Hunter nipped William again on Monday, and we knew we needed to take urgent action. We tried to set up an appointment with the vet to seek advice (do we have to euthanise him?) but couldn’t get an appointment until Friday. And then Tuesday was our anniversary, but I had a fever and had spent a lot that day crying about our dog so we didn’t celebrate. By the time we met with the vet on Friday, he said that euthanising was indeed the best option, because the SPA would exacerbate his aggressive tendencies, and he would probably be put down after having lived a miserable stint in a small cage. We had been trying to re-home him for a year (some periods more urgently than others) so we didn’t have any hope of that being an option, and the breeder had refused to help. So we set an appointment to put him to sleep in a week’s time.
But in the height of irony – we decided to go out with the kids after the vet appointment (of whose recommendation they were blissfully unaware) to try and put aside the heavy weight on our hearts. We went to a nearby amusement park, took a detour coming home, and got stuck in standstill traffic for an hour and a half, allowing some local criminals the time to rob our house.
And our “vicious dog” … did nothing to stop them.
We must have interrupted the robbers because they left the computers and camera (and the upstairs window open). But they took all my 24k gold, an antique pocket watch, a gold and aquamarine ring my mother gave me, a gold and pearl necklace in the shape of a cross that my great-grandmother gave to my grandmother when she left for WWII. And all three Nintendo DS games, plus 300€ cash.
Oh, and they ran off with our sense of security in having a safe home.
I have to say I was doing better though, and my husband and I both took the discovery in stride. I had been using two inhalers and it was finally dislodging the heaviness in my chest, and I was grateful to have such a clear answer about what to do with our dog, even though the answer was painful. At least we were no longer in doubt after two years of trying to make it work. So the robbery just seemed like another thing on our plate, and not a blow too hard to deal with.
On Sunday we taught the kids’ class at church. It was the story of how Abraham was told to sacrifice his son Isaac, and how at the last minute he was spared from having to do such a painful, dreadful thing. The story parallels God’s having to sacrifice his own son, Jesus, and – like a sudden flash – it inspired me with faith.
Maybe God will not ask me to sacrifice my dog.
You will probably laugh at me for interpreting it that way, but nevertheless, I did. And on the faith I gleaned from the story, I attempted a last-minute posting to re-home Hunter in three places – once again, even though it had never before come to fruition. A few suggestions/possibilities fell through, but I was able to be in contact with someone who is part of an association that is against euthanisation and works hard to find solutions to rescue the dogs. And then I waited.
Wednesday morning, I woke up so heavy as the deadline to put our dog to sleep drew near. It had all just been too much – the illness, the loss, the worry, the grief about our dog, the robbery – the rat!!! I’m not sure why, but in searching for a random passage in the Bible, I flipped to Isaiah 40 – the ending of which chapter says:
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (27-31)
As I read about the weak increasing in power, and the weary gaining strength, I began to be fortified and look at everything more positively. (The effects of my morning coffee probably also helped). And then there was that scripture about eagles again, just like on the mountain!
About an hour later, I got a call. My contact had good news! She put me in touch with a refuge in Germany that specialises in rehabilitating Hunter’s breed, and not only will they take him, but there is also a doggie carpool that will bring him there. So today’s appointment will not be to kill my dog (sob) but to put a microchip in his ear so he can legally pass the border. I could just weep.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4: 7-12)
Yes, there are other things going on. I am still praying for my friend who is fighting for her life. Her name is Marie and her two sons are the age of Gabriel and William. If you pray, pray for her too. We have our own health scare in the family, which is probably fine, but I’m never at ease until the results come in. Our financial problems have not been resolved, but there have been some rays of light poking through. For instance – though part of our home renovation loan was rejected, and our water heater is on its last legs, and our roof about to crumble to bits, and our car in need of more repairs than it’s worth – the delay in our loan procedure resulted in a lower interest rate, I was able to gain a few more students to earn more money, and we have a few items we can sell. It will all work out in the end.
The other night, when it finally dawned on William that our dog would not be coming home afterwards, and he was downstairs wailing and explaining to his best friend, Hunter, what would happen to him: “You’ll be going away and you will never see us, ever again …” it was a healing kind of cry because we were able to reassure our son in all truth that Hunter would be going to a better place.
Sometimes, despair is only a pit stop on the way to deliverance.
We will never forget you, Hunter.
That is a lot of life my friend. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. I’m so happy you found a place for your dog. And I’m so happy you are feeling better. AND I love this line so much and will carry it with me: Sometimes, despair is only a pit stop on the way to deliverance.
Angela Youngblood recently posted…Pre-K Moments and What I Know For Sure
Mwah! my friend (who is SO fly).
I’m so glad that Hunter will have a better resolution. Thinking about all of yous nonstop. xo
tracy recently posted…Apple Picking
Love you Tracy.
Lady Jennie,
I am so sorry for everything that you and your family has gone through…..the power of prayer is strong and I am so glad that yours were answered, especially for Hunter.
I will pray for you and your family that you will overcome these hardships and that your future be peaceful and brighter!
xx,
Kathleen
This is a very belated response, but still heartfelt – thank you Kathleen!
Oh, tears… your words are so lovely and so powerful and even when you have had SO MANY crappy things going on, you find light. And I am praying for more light to come in the days and weeks ahead.
And the RAT. Almost seems that he was placed as comic relief in this period of so much difficulty. xo
Sherri recently posted…Life Lessons from a Labrador Retriever
The rat DEFINITELY was comic relief! 🙂
Jennie, my throat was tight the whole time I was reading this. I am amazed at your story, especially having read your powerful memoir and the previous two faith posts. That passage from Corinthians beautifully describes aspects of your faith journey. My friend, I am so, so inspired by your stamina and your resilience and your dependence on God through all things and the wonderful gift God has given you to understand Scripture in real time and real circumstances. He has allowed plenty of heartache but given you many gifts to draw you closer to Him – and through you witness, others will come closer, I strongly believe.
I am very happy for Hunter! And I will pray for your friend.
Hillary recently posted…October
Thank you so much Hillary.
I’m so glad it all worked out for Hunter. I know that it is going to be a huge stress off you, and that is most definitely a step in the right direction.
Jennifer recently posted…I Want for My Children
Yes, we’ve already felt the relief this week of not having a constant demand on our time and attention. It was the right decision.
Love.
Hugs.
Flowing from Minnesota.
Jesus LOVES YOUUUUUUUUU. xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted…13 Reasons NOT To Friend Your Mama On Facebook
I needed that Kimmie. 🙂
Good grief, that’s a lot on your plate. When it rains, it pours.
I’m so happy about Hunter going to be rehabilitated. That’s wonderful. And I’ll say a prayer for all of you and your poor friends.
Tamara recently posted…Do You Remember Your First Time?
Thank you Tamara.
Oh, Jennie. You’ve been through so much lately. I am so SO glad that Hunter will go to a loving, special place where he’ll get attnetion and training and be happy. I’m SO happy for you. I know you’ll miss him but that it one less thing to worry about. Because you’ve had so much!
Greta recently posted…Tickled Pink
Yes, you know because you love dogs. But you’re right. He will be better off in a place where he can run and is away from the triggers that set him off.
Sweet friend, this is a lot!!! Prayers & XOXO your way…. I am so glad God provided a way for Hunter and gave you peace… Love to you and your fam.
Merci Vivi!
Dear Jennie,
I hope you will not misunderstand my reaction, but I actually found it comforting that others are facing crazy stressful situations in the midst of “normal” life. I also understand the uniquely stressful situation of a dog that you’ve committed to care for being out of control despite your best efforts. I’m so happy you found resolution. Thanks for blessing us all with your honesty. May life bring more joy soon!
Love,
Ellie
Ellie, I know EXACTLY what you mean, and don’t find it strange at all. None of us are immune to hardship. I’m so grateful that there are finally some things going right in your life. Love you, my dear cousin.
That is a lot on one plate, good grief. Glad to know your dog will find a more appropriate home. So very sorry about the meaningful jewelry. That’s so upsetting to know that to someone else they are just stealing a “thing” but to you it really matters. So sorry.
Korinthia Klein recently posted…Off Switch Eating
Yes, I am so relieved about Hunter. And it’s true what you say about the stuff having meaning. Although there was still quite a bit that hurt us financially, even if it was less sentimental. At least they didn’t manage to steal my laptop!
(((((Hey Jennie, a virtual hug))))) Are you really feeling better now and restored by faith alone? If so, I am more than delighted. It’s true that whenever I’ve consulted the scriptures randomly like you did, I find some solace. It is so powerful. Of course it worked our for your Hunter. What can you do to prevent another robbery, and how did they get in? You couldn’t help being affected by all that at a time when your DH was afar. I hate when mine is travelling, there is a lot of additional stress when one parent is absent. He sounds really supportive though, you are so lucky!
Take care.
They forced a window that we had stupidly left cracked (though it was still locked). Ugh. I’ve heard that robberies have gone up in France.
You have so much on your plate and yet are dealing with it far better than I ever could have. I know you don’t think you are but truly, you are.
Ameena recently posted…multi-purpose sleeves
Thank you so much, dear Ameena.
I felt stressful reading this, you poor thing. I pray all works out with Hunter. I can relate to you associating the time of year with loss. I do that sometimes and the holidays only highlight. Take care!
HI Allie, thank you for your comment on my blog (as usual I am behind). I hope that your holidays are full of light, and not dark memories.
Jennie!
What a relief that your faith kept you believing in a better option for Hunter.
I know you will be sustained through the rest of it.
So much love to you all.
julie gardner recently posted…The Heavy Bag
I know. I felt like I could bear everything as long as there was a place for Hunter.
Sometimes despair is just a pit stop on the way to deliverance.
I do admire your way with words. You always find the right ones to take your point home.
I’m glad for Hunter and you&yours. But furious about the robbery! It’s just so…violating.
Courage ma belle!
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted…Child’s play or how to wreak havoc with your mother’s schedule
I know. Plus! I just discovered another thing they stole – a gold locket that had old black and white pictures of my husband’s aunt and her twin from when they were little. grrrrr.
Oh my friend, so much! But you handle it all with such courage. I am glad for your friend’s daughter, and for Hunter. xoxo
Alison recently posted…Raffy
It all turned out remarkably well. I am so relieved.
Jennie,
I am so proud of you and the way you are handling life. I too feel the same as you in so many ways. Your scriptures and the way you shared your experience really inspired me. Thanks for helping me persevere.
I love you!
Mari
Thank you Mari, dear. (hugs)
Faith truly moves mountains, even if sometimes it is only stone by stone.
Much love to you sweet friend, what an ordeal life has been for you, and you rise to it with so much grace. A new year is around the corner, and I hope that this is the one for all of us.
Love always xxxx
sisters from another mister recently posted…Teen dating vs Mom dating. Or just getting out of the d*mn door.
Thank you Nicole. I so, so hope for 2015 to be YOUR year!