Bonjour Docteur.
No, it’s my first time here. I’m here to renew a prescription for Zoloft. Here’s my old prescription but I think it’s for the minimum dosage. I won’t ask you to double the dosage as tempted as I am (laughs brightly).
Okay peeeerfect.
So, there’s also this varicose vein that I have and I just want to make sure it’s not the dangerous kind. You know, the kind that can lead to a blood clot and sudden death. Yes I do have the stockings, but I only have one pair and they’re not very comfortable. Plus, you have to admit they’re pretty ugly.
Is it hard to remove that vein? Can I get a referral for a specialist? Okay thanks.
Um … also I am wondering if you can give me a prescription for a complete blood workup. My last doctor gave me one just for cholesterol, but I think I should get the whole thing done. I mean, my vitamin D level was lower than normal despite months of treatment, so I feel like I should see where that’s at right now.
Plus, I am sooo tired. Remember that film « Dead Man Walking » with Susan Sarandon? Oh, it’s not called that in French? Anyway, that’s what I feel like all the time. I got sick before anyone else in my family and I’m the only one not better. And you can see from the cold sore that has spread up to my nose (the one that looks like Hitler’s mustache) that clearly my resistance is down. I think I should have my white blood cell count and iron level checked because this is not normal.
Yes I know I need to lose weight and exercise, but I’m so tired. Plus I have an appointment with the podiatrist tomorrow (who is going to scold me for not wearing the special insoles) because I have cramps in my second and third toes and it’s difficult to walk (much less run). I should also get back to the osteopath who said that my spinal cord is all out of whack (which I totally knew was the case) because I feel like I’m walking like a crab again. It’s hard to exercise with all these issues.
And at home it’s a complete mess and I’m too tired to do all the gardening … oh sorry. You’re writing the prescriptions. I didn’t mean to carry on like that (laughs nervously).
I don’t know – it’s like in Borat, “Is it physical or mental?” you know, my condition. ha ha Oh you didn’t see that one. Yeah, you didn’t miss much. It was funny though when he started singing the national anthem at a Texas rally.
Okay, there’s just one other thing and I promise it’s the last one. I think I have carpal tunnel. Who do I need to see for that? Yeah, it hurts when I type and sometimes it’s hard to even hold a glass of water. I use my hands a lot to change my son, push a stroller and work in the garden.
Is it the same person that could also look at the joints in my elbow and shoulder, which make it hard for me to swim and carry things? I don’t suppose it’s the same as a bone doctor, who could check for osteoporosis while we’re at it. You know, kill all the birds with one shot. No? Okay I suppose that can wait. I have enough prescriptions for now.
Oh yes, I need a form to make you my referring physician. And one for my husband too. The other doctor was very nice but too far. Plus she’s so pretty I’m not sure I want my husband to have to see her. You’ll do very well.
And I felt like I was always asking her for prescriptions and things and I want a fresh start. I don’t want to do that with you.
Okay so here’s your 22€ and my carte vitale. Thanks for all this. Au revoir Docteur.
Oh. By the way, I don’t suppose you’ve ever heard of an illness called hypochondria?
It doesn’t run in our family, but I have this fear that I’m going to catch it.
I have a friend JUST like this. omg. it’s so hard for me to deal with her sometimes….and now? she’s struggling w/ infertility. which makes it super hard for me b/c I’ve been there & want to be supportive. sigh.
loved this post!
Umm I totally get this:0 I go into the Doctor with my list of worries and feel like a million bucks when she re-affirms for me that I am going to be just fine:0
Whatever you do, don’t read about your ailments on the Internet. You’ll be convinced you’re dying tomorrow.
Sorry you’re still sick–so depressing, I know. Now that spring is coming, you’ll be able to spend more time outdoors away from any germs. Feel better soon….
It’s so true! I try to avoid looking things up on the web. I can’t believe how hard hit I’ve been these last months. It’s hard to keep my morale up (especially with my Hitler mustache cold sore)/ 😉
Oh my! This reminds me of that poem, “Sick” by Shel Silverstein!
Thoroughly delightful, enjoyable, darling.
I so loved this. Makes me want to hug you, for being like me.
This was so very wonderful.
Oh phew. Someone else like me. hugs!
When I’m afraid my hypochondria is showing, I just click over to WebMD, which will then confirm all my hopes and fears and inform me that the strange pain in my third finger is clearly botulism.
Yes, that’s just it isn’t it? WebMD is dangerous. 🙂
I am not sure I am *supposed* to laugh, but I did! Also, you have to love the French medical system, right?
You are supposed to laugh. I’m making fun of myself and how pathetic I can be at times. The medical system is great. I think of that every time the nurse comes to my house to give me a vitamin B shot to make my hair grow back. It’s not covered, but it’s only 5 euros a shot.
say what? it’s like you were in the office WITH ME the last time i went to go see the doctor. i feel like i made the poor doc earn every last cent by asking him my brief list of only a fajillion questions and having him check out 90% of my body. once, be tried to leave the room, but i grabbed his arm and said “wait, what made you think i was finished.”
bet it’s going to be hard getting an appointment with him again. =)
Yes! My turn for an unrelated comment! I’m going to be in Paris the middle of May with my Hubby to celebrate:) my (gulp) 40th birthday. Lost your e-mail, was going to ask your opinion on the Westin Paris in the 1st? (we have points)
Also have a couple of other boutiquey hotels short listed:) Hotel Keppler and Hotel California Champs-Elysees
If you have a second would adore your opinion.
modernmom at rocketmail dot com
Jennie, that was so so so cute. Now get some rest!
Love, Mom
Jennie, I just want to give you a hug. I know this is funny, but I am feeling overwhelmed for you! Praying for you – strength, resolve, peace. Your blog makes my day. Thanks for sharing your life.
Lady Jennie, I feel tired just reading this.
You mean the good doctor didn’t stop prescribing and told you you had hypo..whatever it is? Hmmm..bad for business I guess.
I’d be careful with Zoloft, that’s another version of Prozac isn’t it? I should know, I used to be on Xanax, remember? Avoid it if you can.
Oh man, you sound like me at the doctor. I admit I’m a hypochondriac. But don’t you feel that if you let down your guard for a second, that a terrible illness will creep up?!
Ha ha, enjoyed this.
I think everybody knows at least someone like this
Hey, were you in the room at my last doctor’s appointment? ‘Cause that all sounds pretty familiar.