This book is now available on Amazon, as of December 8, 2013.
“Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.”
Psalm 88:16-18
CHAPTER SIX
I had to go back, you know, and oh God how I didn’t want to. But when you grieve, life winds its straps around you and carries you off, whether or not you are willing.
From Syracuse I took the train into Manhattan where I was supposed to meet up with Olivier for a couple of days before flying out. He was back from France after the holidays – there, in part to support me, but mainly to tie up loose ends before moving his things back to France. He listened to me try to express some of the horror, but he didn’t ask any questions. His relief was palpable when the topic moved on to other things, and he quickly turned his attention to soaking up as much of the City as he could before having to move on to the next stage of his life.
So I flew back to Taiwan alone, and while on layover in Seoul, I remembered the woman who had flown back to Asia after attending her brother’s funeral – the woman whose brother had committed suicide just like mine had. And the ghost of our conversation superimposed over my reality, her sorrow over my sorrow, as I sat there in the nearly-empty terminal . . . . .
Oh, your pain.
And the vivid imagery.
Stunning writing, Jennie.
Oh Jennie, all I see in your words is pure heart.
Love.
xo
You truly have a story to tell, and you tell it so beautifully.
Today, I was prepared…had tissues!
Incredible. Beautiful and, I hope, cathartic.
Yes it was. That lonely person of nearly twenty years ago is only a shadow of who I am now, and of course there is much more to come, but cathartic – yes! If only I knew then that one day I would be happy again.
Thanks for reading Robin.
This struck me the most, “it didn’t occur to me to pray even once. In the personal hell that I was dwelling in, God was definitely nowhere to be found.” From someone that has a deep, abiding faith for as long as I can remember… God was there with you. He sent your friend to smooth your forehead. He sent the girl that sat next to you on the pew. He sent the psychologist for you to pour your heart out to. When we are in the deep, dark places and feel most alone, that is where He is waiting for us to reach out to him so he can bring us into the light again. We just have to know that He is there.
Hi Jennifer dear – thank you for being here! I hesitated over that line, but decided to write it from my perspective at the time. That’s how I felt. Now I know that’s not true. If you have time, I would be honored if you read Chapters 1-5 (you can find them on the Memoire category link at the top of the website – if you click on it the posts will appear). It’s mind-blowing how much God was working during that time.
Your writing is so beautiful…and your story came across as if I was remembering it myself.
I hope you know how much your words will help others in pain, isolation, darkness.
Your emergence from “the trenches” is an inspiration…one story at a time.
Here and drinking up every word and so glad that this Chinese New Year finds you in such a better place. xo
I didn’t even think of that Kristen! Here we are in Chinese New Year again.
Yes, I’m in a veeeery different place.
It is truly gorgeous writing. I can see the countryside, picture your grief and isolation, and through that connect with you so intimately.
Spot on anymommy……..i feel exactly the same way as i،m reading this…….what an amazing movie this would make!!!!!!!…….perhaps julia roberts as ladyjennie???????!!!!!!!!!!………..
Thank you Melissa! Maybe a younger actress so I can pretend to shave years off my life? 😉
Love your story….I want more. I could see a movie…..
I was breathless as I read this, as I am reading a good novel. You have a gift, and I am looking forward to diving in chapters 1-5. Keep writing.
Thank you so much for reading Kristin.
I selfishly saved these last few chapters so that I didn’t have to wait to read.
I simply love your story. Your writing is so clear and descriptive. I truly feel as if I am watching your life happen.
The first and last paragraphs of this chapter pulled emotions from me I wasn’t even aware were there.