Earlier this week my college roommate and sorority sister was hit by a driverless truck that had rolled down a hill, killing her and her dog instantly. Barb was a wife, a mom to two teenagers, friend to many, and a beloved member of the community.
I live far away, and although she and her husband visited us while in France a few years ago, we had mostly kept in touch through Facebook. In my own life, I wouldn’t call it loss so much as an oppressive awareness of the hole she leaves behind in her circle of friends and family. The real loss, of course, must be borne by those who are closer – that searing pain, that stunning blow that leaves a residual stupor of grief that will not fade any time soon.
There was something so senseless in the event. Grief is never easy, but when something so random occurs to rip someone out of this life, it brings up the age-old question, “How could God let this happen?” and “Where was He?” I processed my own thoughts on grief in my memoir, Stars Upside Down and have come to the conclusion that God is present in our suffering, that he doesn’t willingly bring grief to mankind, and that if there’s any sense to be had it’s that His focus is always on eternity and getting us all there, not a promised continuance of our life on earth.
While on earth, Jesus confronted death five times that we know about from the scriptures. Two times he surrendered to God’s perfect will and allowed the death to occur though it left many people grieving. Three times he surrendered to God’s perfect will and brought about a miracle – a resurrection of the dead. In each case, there is plenty of … well, encouragement might not be the best word when talking about grief, but let’s just say plenty of oxygen to draw from the five cases. Oxygen and hope we need to keep on drawing breath when staggered by grief.
The conclusion I drew from these examples? God is soothing. God is faithful. God is compassionate. God is sovereign. God is love.
God is soothing.
Jesus’ first encounter with death is when John the Baptist (the prophet, but also his cousin) is beheaded, and the full story is found in Matthew 14:1-12. I’m continuing with vs 13.
When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. (vs 13-14)
We see that when Jesus first hears the news, he wants to go off by himself and pray, but he has compassion on the crowds and chooses to meet their needs first, healing them and feeding them. It was not until he had fed the five-thousand and sent his disciples away by boat that he was able to commune with God. Perhaps it was the loss of his cousin that brought out this desire to be alone with God. Perhaps it was the precursor to his own death, the fact that it was where he, himself, was headed. In either case, he went to God.
Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” (Vs 22-27)
This part about Jesus walking on water is not technically about grief or death, but I think it’s related since it happened right afterwards. Water is also symbolic of death and rebirth, and Jesus crossed over as if it were firm ground.
Jesus drew from the strength of his intimacy with God to calm the fears of his disciples, to soothe them. He has the strength to bear our grief. “Don’t be afraid,” is a message we hear often when Jesus is confronting death. Don’t be afraid because you dread the loss or the unknown, and don’t be afraid because you see my power, Jesus reassures us. “Take courage. It is I.”
God is faithful.
The second encounter is when Jesus raised Jairus’s daughter from the dead. The story begins in Mark 5:21-24, and I want to focus on the resurrection part in vs 35-43.
While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”
Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”
He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” But they laughed at him.
After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. He gave strict orders not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.
Again he tells them, “Don’t be afraid, just believe.” In this event, Jesus is showing what our resurrection from the dead will look like. He promises eternal life to those who repent and believe, and reminds us we can trust him. In a way, every time we fall asleep and wake up again, we’re getting a taste of the resurrection to come and we’re seeing God’s faithfulness in being able bring it about.
Jesus tells the girl to get up, and she does. He tells them to give her something to eat because, you know, resurrection is not some ethereal floating on the clouds kind of thing. It’s a banquet. It’s a celebration. It’s a garden in the cool of day. It’s a promise. And it’s a promise we can rely on because God is faithful.
God is compassionate.
The widow of Nain is a short story in the Bible, easy to overlook. But it’s where Jesus performed another resurrection. (Luke 7:11-16)
Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”
Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.
They were all filled with awe and praised God. “A great prophet has appeared among us,” they said. “God has come to help his people.”
God has always been about helping his people. In Jesus’s day, people got to see the miracle of resurrection performed before their very eyes. Did you know that when Jesus was crucified, many holy people were resurrected? Look here in Matthew 27:50-51:
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
Talk about complete shock! People’s loved ones broke out of the tombs and went calling! In our day, we have to deal with grief and wait – sometimes a long wait for our own encounter with God one day. We have to wait to see our loved ones again, and I’m going to borrow from the next encounter (Lazarus) in order to explain why:
Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” (John 11:41-42)
In Jesus’ day, there were plenty of miracles because it was needed to establish his divine authority. Today (although we would like to see miracles) we don’t need to see a miracle to have faith. There are miracles – they do exist, but God has given us His Word. That’s where our faith comes from, and it’s enough.
God is compassionate. Look at how Jesus’ heart went out to the widow. To the others, he said, “Don’t be afraid. Just believe.” To her, he said, “Don’t cry.” I think it was because he knew she was beyond faith. What could she have faith in? Her husband and son were dead and she was alone in the world. But Jesus was about to do something incredible and even if it’s not something as obvious as raising our loved ones from the dead back to this earthly life, whatever he’s doing in our lives – even through tremendous loss – is incredible, and it’s filled with compassion.
God is sovereign.
Lazarus is the most famous of resurrection stories in the Bible, apart from Jesus’ own resurrection. The entire story is in John 11:1-44, and I’ll be taking excerpts from there. Jesus waited two days before going to Lazarus, though he knew he would die.
“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
He’s telling her, Martha, a general belief in a resurrection one day is not good enough. She needed – and we need – to have faith in Jesus and his sovereignty when it comes to death and resurrection. That he already paved the way from death to life – he already died and was raised to life – and he will bring us to eternal life too. We can trust him.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but he still cried with them. He cried because they were in pain. Jesus may know beforehand how God’s glory will manifest itself in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones, but he doesn’t hold the knowledge to his chest and offer some platitudes as to why this will be good for us later, and how we only need to bear it now. He enters into our feelings. He feels what we feel as we grieve.
Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”
When we truly understand the deep love God has for us, the compassion he feels for us when we suffer, the fact that there’s a master plan, we’re better able to accept his sovereignty because we know he is good and everything he does is good.
But how can we really believe it when the grief is so awful? The answer is in Jesus’ own death and resurrection.
God is love.
There is no greater love that God could show us than by sending his own Son to die in our place so we could have an eternal relationship with him. How did Jesus face his own death? With tears, and an agony so great he sweat blood. He knows what we are feeling. He lived it. In Luke 22:41-44
He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Yes, it was hard. Loss over his own life and his own relationship with God the moment he took on our sins was hard. But this is where Jesus makes sense of death. This is where God shows he’s not an ambivalent bystander to the grief we face all the time. God also suffered grief when he allowed us to kill his Son.
When Jesus talked about his own death, he told us why it was to be in John 12:32:
“And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.”
His death had a purpose and it was to bring all of us to him, no matter our race, education, social status, or past sins. Our death has a purpose too, and it’s to exchange a faulty, earthly body for a perfect, celestial one. But where will we find ourselves after death? Jesus also told us what to expect after death, and he reassures us not to be afraid. John 14:1-4
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Finally, he told us how to face death.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
This is probably one of my favorite scriptures in the whole Bible. It was right before his death and he knew he’d be in agony while he prayed. He knew he’d be slapped, flogged and spat upon, and die a painful death. He knew even God would turn his face away from him the moment he took on our sins. He knew it, but the faith and divine love that was so perfectly woven throughout him – as inseparable from his being as our DNA is to our earthly bodies – this faith and love spilled out of him as he proclaimed, Take heart! Be cheerful. I have overcome the world.
Jesus overcame the world for us. God knows our suffering and he feels it with us. He’s with us. He loves us. He has a plan for salvation. And he will not abandon us when we’re rocked with grief.
He will not abandon us ever.
Oh, Jennie. This was so beautiful and nourishing, full of truth and hope. Thank you for this, love. This is a keeper to read over and over again.