A Lady In France

Parenting Advice

I hate reading books that give parenting advice. I never read the sleep training books, the baby sign language books – none of that. I think part of me thought that I had better things to do with my (now non-existent) free time. Another part of me thought that it was all rather natural. Love the kids, listen to them, set boundaries. Everything will fall into place.

So, if we’re being perfectly honest here, I only read Dr. Deborah Gilboa’s book, Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate because she was my friend and I wanted to support her. Yup. That’s the truth.

I mean, it helped that Dr. G is very humble in real life. That’s the kind of person you want to get advice from, right? Someone who doesn’t think they know it all already? She has no problem saying, “I’m sorry. I misunderstood the situation” when someone is trying to get help but doesn’t feel like her advice took into account all the facts. She doesn’t try to ram her opinion down your throat, and often says when in an official role, “I am the expert for the four boys in my house; you are the expert of the children in yours.”

I was never going to be a mommy blogger (and I promise I’m not using that as a derogatory term). Parenting just isn’t my strength. I’m too laid back to cut lunch items into pieces to make cartoon characters. And I permit way too much TV so I can get some peace and quiet to work on (and surf) the Internet. I have been known more times than I like to admit to allow excess cookies at snack time, even when I know it means that half the dinner will be thrown into the garbage; and I just assume the kids have a handle on their own homework, and I get put out when there’s a last minute crisis for a history test that a certain young lady has known about for a week. All in all, I’m the non-parenting expert, and in general I’m okay with that.

So, imagine my surprise when I loved the book! I mean – I really loved reading it! It gave me solutions for things I had been subconsciously worrying about, but not really addressing.

– one child’s serious lack of self-esteem

– one child’s complete disorganisation

– one child’s disregard for cleanliness

It also gave me creative ideas for improving things I thought were fine. It inspired me to want more – to really maximise these formative years that we have with our children, to build a loving base with firm boundaries that will launch the children into adulthood under the best circumstances possible.

BehaviorYouWant book cover-2

The book is divided into four sections: respect, responsibility, resilience, and actually making it happen – how to input the changes you seek. It’s super practical and easy to read. The chapters are short and can be read through, or earmarked for future use. You can jump around and focus on the issue you need now, and you can also get ahead of the game and problem solve before the problem even occurs.

For further ease, each chapter is divided into age brackets that give practicals for the toddler, pre-schooler, age 5-7, 8-10 and 11-12. I found myself reading only the middle two age-brackets because that’s what concerns me now. And there will be plenty of time to focus on the tween needs in a year’s time.

Some of the areas I’m encouraged that my parenting has been right on track (despite a lack of getting advice) are:

– Our yes is yes and our no is no. And if a child ignores a threat, the discipline will be carried out (i.e. missing out on something they love).

– The kids know that the parents are boss in our house and the kids must show respect. (We also tell them that God is our boss and we parents are accountable too).

– We have semi-regular family meetings to assess where we’re at as a family.

Some of the changes we’ve recently made because of Doctor G’s book:

– Dividing the allowance so that the children learn to be more financially responsible. Starting this month, they will be paid just once a month and they will donate 10%, spend 30%, save 30% and invest 30%. Up until now, apart from a few donations, it’s all pretty much gone towards candy. Ahem.

– The kids have started asking “who wants water?” when they’re at the table and they want to get some for themselves.

Some of the things we plan to implement as a result of the book:

– Getting a better grip on the time spent on homework and practicing without complaining or arguing.

– Expecting more from them in helping out in the family.

– Finishing a job – seeing things through.

And I am particularly inspired by the section on resiliency. I’m learning a lot. For myself.

Anyway, if you’re a parent, buy the book. Do. It’s worth it. Available here.

And you can find Doctor G on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Google+.

(*All opinions are my own, of course, and were freely given)

Comments

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Comments

  1. Alison says

    Jennie, I love that you reviewed this in a way that works for you – because that’s the beauty of Deborah’s book. You use it the way you need it in that time. Which is how I’m also approaching the book, taking the parts we feel need to be addressed, and looking at the rest later.

    I’m so glad that you guys are making positive changes!

    (also, I am the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants parent)
    Alison recently posted…Through The Lens Thursday #36: GoldenMy Profile

  6. Hillary says

    Parenting is a tough job. Who our children become as citizens will have a greater impact than some think on society. Their teachers, spouses, bosses, co-workers, children and friends will all have to deal with the decisions we made as parents, so I have always thought (since having babies) that reading – reading a great deal, if you like – about how to raise good humans beings is never a bad thing. Talking to others about challenges is not a weakness. And I bet this book is a good resource.
    Hillary recently posted…Not Again! or I Dream of SleepMy Profile

  7. Tsoniki Crazy Bull says

    Is there info for parenting teens in the book? And I love that what you’ve already been doing is on the right track, I always feel that way. 😉 LOL That’s a good way to divide the allowance too, that’s how we used to do it. We got off track a few years ago and moved toward saving half and letting them spend half. But (I know I’m lucky LOL) my kids rarely want to buy anything, so they have a lot of their spending allowance saved too.
    Tsoniki Crazy Bull recently posted…Toes In The SandMy Profile

  8. Korinthia Klein says

    Well your parenting sounds a lot like my parenting (which I find reassuring), and if you found this book useful then I will check it out! Besides, I liked Dr G when I met her at that dinner in Chicago, and it’s always nice to support fellow writers. Thanks for the review!
    Korinthia Klein recently posted…No Gradual Adjustments HereMy Profile

  10. Elaine A. says

    I love how you are already putting some of the things into practice, Jennie! I can see positive change happening soon over here too, thanks to the awesome Dr. G! 🙂
    Elaine A. recently posted…A DayMy Profile

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