How to Pray

There is no formula for prayer. When Gabriel was 2 1/2 and still wearing diapers, he wandered off from our house in the country to see the cows. By the time we realised he was gone, he was nowhere to be seen. I looked all over the house and the yard, and when I didn’t see him there, I ran over to the busy street and started to walk alongside of it in search of him. But when I didn’t see him right away, my steps faltered. I couldn’t continue to go down that busy street because I dreaded what I might find.

My husband thought of the cows and ran down the other lane – the quieter one – and when he finally got to the bend in the road, and looked off in the distance, he saw a tiny figure, crying, and walking in the middle of the road. He yelled, “I found him!” and word spread to our neighbours and to my own ears. I put my hands on my knees and trembled in relief.

Throughout that entire time, I was only able to utter a terrified, “God, God, God, God, God, God.” I was not able to formulate a single word other than “God” in prayer.

In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak as we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit himself pleads with God for us in groans that words cannot express. (Romans 8:26)

God doesn’t need us to say set formulas in order to hear us. But Jesus did revolutionise prayer for us by teaching us that we could approach God as a Father. He told us how to pray, by saying, “This, then, is how you should pray:

It doesn’t mean that he gave us a new formula to say, but rather that when we pray, we should remember that God is not only our Father (and we can meditate on all the ways he showers us with love), but that he is also in heaven. And he deserves respect.

He went on to teach us that we should pray for God’s will to be done, for leaders to lead well, for people to be gracious and generous, for sin to be ousted so that we can have a little bit of heaven on earth.

He told us to pray for just what we need today. Do we have a stressful day? Pray for that. Are we getting medical results? Pray for that. Do we have an interview and desperately need a new job? Pray for that. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Pray for the needs today.

And ask God to forgive us, as we also forgive those who sin against us. And keep temptation and Satan far away. Jesus got right to the point. He prayed for the most basic things.

He then focused a little more on the forgiveness aspect, by adding (in vs 14&15):

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

We can’t expect God to forgive our sins and hear our prayers if we have a chokehold of anger on our brother or sister (or neighbour, friend or boss). Sometimes part of our prayer will include, “God I do forgive so & so; help me to overcome the feelings I have against them that make it feel like I have not forgiven.”

So those are the basics right there. But there are some notable prayers in the Bible, and some other aspects that might encourage you in your prayer life.

I. It’s okay to bargain:

Take a look at what Abraham did on behalf of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (where his nephew Lot was living). He negotiated with God 7 times to get him to change his mind. Seven times! That’s some pretty bold prayer.

Then the Lord said, “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me. If not, I will know.”

The men turned away and went toward Sodom, but Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”

The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”

Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five people?”

“If I find forty-five there,” he said, “I will not destroy it.”

And . . . Abraham got the number down to ten.

“When the Lord had finished speaking with Abraham, he left, and Abraham returned home. (Genesis 18:20-33)

Or take a look a look at this unusual dialogue in the New Testament. In Matthew 15:22-28

A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”

Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”

He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”

The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

“Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment. 

I can’t claim to understand why Jesus would say such a seemingly heartless thing to a woman who was begging him for help. Maybe he was keeping his focus narrow, knowing that the time would come after his death when God’s mercy would extend to all nations. I don’t know. But she didn’t give up. She talked back to Jesus! She insisted.

And he loved it. Yes, we need to honour God; yes, we need to give him the glory he deserves. But he wants us to be comfortable and familiar too. He wants us to urge a little bit, to argue our point of view. Because that means we have faith.

Prayers should be brief:

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (Matthew 6:7-8)

I’ve heard people pray something like, “God. Yes, God. Mercy God. Please, Mercy, mercy, mercy. God, God, Holy God. Mercy God.” And it goes on and on. It’s great to have the heart to address God, but he gave us the ability to construct a sentence, and he wants us to use it in prayer.

And then there’s also Ecclesiastes 5:2, which is pretty convicting.

Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few.

(cough, cough). This gets me every time. I’m pretty careful when I pray not to deceive myself. I don’t try to look good in front of God since he can see right through me anyway. I’m careful with the words I utter in prayer.

We need to be surrendered. Here’s a mini story from one of the heroes in the Bible – David. Instead of leading his troops to war, like he was supposed to, he stayed home and slept with someone’s wife. When he got her pregnant, he put her husband in the heaviest part of the battle so he would be sure to be killed, and never find out that David had taken his wife. Nathan, the prophet, had something to say about what he had done and gave him a sharp rebuke. David’s response?

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.” (Note – there is plenty of evidence that God does not take away our loved ones in punishment for our sins, so please don’t apply this exception to your own life).

After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows?The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:13-23)

While there was still hope, David did what he could. He fasted and prayed. But as soon as he saw that God had made his decision, he got up and continued living. That shows great humility. That is one of the reasons God called David, “a man after my own heart.”

We’re almost done. I’m sorry I can’t seem to make my faith posts any shorter. The other thing we should be in prayer is persistent:

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

“For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?  (Luke 18-1:7)

Don’t give up. Keep praying. If someone on earth who doesn’t care about God or people will give in just so someone stops pestering them, how much more will God give in to those he loves? (Although – keep in mind persistence and surrendered are two sides to the balance).

Jesus finished by saying,

I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” This gets me every time. It sounds so plaintive and sad – almost like Jesus is worried that there will be no more faith on earth by the time he comes back.

I know it’s not so – Jesus is optimistic, and faithful, and strong. But it makes me determined that I – at least – will be one person he finds on earth who will still have faith.

What are your essentials in prayer?

(Image credit: daynamore / 123RF Banque d’images)

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