A Merci –
I wanted to send out a hearty thank you to everyone who visited my BlogHer posts (both the syndicated one and the self-(cough) nominated ones – for your comments, your sparkle and your love. Big hugs!
A Story –
The other day, Sir came home at 7:30 to a complete disastrous mess of a house (not to mention wife), with the kids fighting in front of the tv, breakfast still stuck to the table and no warm cooking smells coming out of the messy kitchen. Guess where I was. I was in front of the computer with the telltale tweetdeck sounds chirping at him tauntingly. I looked up at him with glassy eyes and simply said, “I didn’t make dinner.”
Emitting a small sigh, he went to go change into comfortable clothes.
The very next night he arrived home at 7:30 with the tantalizing scent of boeuf bourgignon infusing the house with its warm rich perfumes and the entire house sparkling clean from top to bottom. “Wow!” he said, looking around with wide eyes.
I sez to him, I sez, “Wife is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”
An Insight –
I’ve mentioned my life coach before, and for those of you who have no idea what that is, I can tell you. It’s just like a therapist except that you delve very little into the past and instead work on how to move forward in your current life, how to overcome limiting beliefs and have a more satisfying existence.
It’s basically for people who are sick of talking about themselves, but still need some help. My life coach is named Monica.
What Monica said is that she thought I was not expressing my authenticity, and perhaps that was the real issue holding me back. Perhaps it wasn’t the three small kids, big demanding garden, lack of boundaries between work, home and personal life. I was just seeing myself through the world’s eyes with all its expectations and limitations and not expressing my authenticity.
I was surprised. I thought that having joined the club of
the middle-aged
the mothers
the grief-stricken
the depressed
the world travelers
the urban sophisticates (okay, not really)
that I would no longer care what people thought about me. I guess I still have some work to do in that area.
She listed some of the things that she thought described me from our time working together, and they were things like elegance, creativity, generosity, leadership. (I do not claim that I am these things, only that they speak to me and that I consider them desirable qualities).
I think she has a point though. When I started to think about some of the traits she mentioned, as well as some of my own, I immediately thought of the word “understanding.” And then I immediately felt itchy. I think I am understanding because it’s what people expect of me or I perceive it to be the right thing to do, not because it naturally resonates with me. Sometimes I can feel so ornery underneath my soothing “understanding” exterior, I think I should have been a diplomat.
So I decided to make a list of the things that really do resonate with me. And for the sake of ease, I decided to make a list of characteristics that start with the letters of “authentic” so that I could remember them and find opportunities to express them.
A – artistic and athletic (sorry, I couldn’t choose)
U – unflappable (but not understanding)
T – tyrannical (no, just teasing)
H – honest
E – elegant
N – natural
T – talented
I – intelligent
C – compassionate
Now I’ve identified what makes me vibrate.
But what about you? I would love to know what makes you authentic, what describes you? Do you think that you are authentic, or do you find yourself seeing yourself through others’ eyes?
What makes you vibrate, my friends?
Wow . . . great post, my friend. It reminded me of something I read on another blog a short while ago, where a woman was quoted as saying, “in my 20s I was worried about what people thought of me. in my 40s I didn’t care what people thought of me. in my 50s I realized that they weren’t thinking of me all along.”
Am I my authentic self? Hell no – I don’t even know who that is.
BUT . . . I’m trying. Every single day. And I’m closer today than I was yesterday.
Great post. And who ever you are – I kinda like ya! 😉
You know, I think you’re pretty authentic. You’re authentically warm and giving – that comes through on your blog and in your comments.
First, I just want to wish you a big CONGRATS again. Kudos to you, you deserve the recognition (self nom or otherwise, doesn’t matter, still your time to shine, ya know?)
I did not feel authentic for a long, long time. I felt like a disappointment to the people around me, so I tried to please people and do and be they wanted. Recently (very recently) I realized this makes me very, very tired and I just can’t do it any longer. Not for one minute. So, i’m letting my quirky self show through and I’m really embracing it. Sometimes, I know that people don’t get it and I see them inching away slowly, but I would rather be me with 5 friends than someone else with lots of friendly acquaintances who don’t know who the heck I really am.
xo.
Well I, for one, adore your quirky self and wouldn’t have you any other way.
I LOVE your list.
Very truthful (because you used “honest” so I wanted to be different…)
and enlightening.
(you. not me.)
I want to make my own list but I can’t get beyond LAZY. And maybe TIRED.
But I guess that says a lot about me already.
And now I need to take a nap.
An authentic nap. Yes.
That sounds perfect.
An authentic nap works for me any time of the day (or not). Tired is a good T one. Talented is a little boring – I think I’m going to change it.
I’ve read that saying too, about your 20s, 40s and 50s. I’m 35 and definitely sensing the transition to not caring what people think. It’s about time. I’ve spent my entire life trying to please everyone around me, but being really unhappy and discontent underneath that pleasing exterior.
A -aqua highlights — I have wanted aqua highlights in my hair for years, and I’m finally going to get them.
U – Uninhibited — that’s what I want to be, anyway.
T – tattoo?
H – happy — also a goal, not a reality yet.
E – excellent (high quality work)
N – Not Intimidated by someone else’s authority or education
T – tired — can I steal that one? 🙂
I – intellectual — I like to think. Maybe Think should be my T? Nah, I like tired. 🙂
C – Curious — always learning about something new
Oh please please post a picture of your aqua highlights. That is going to be ultra fab.
Did you find your blog actually made you more authentic? I found I changed my writing drastically from the time I started writing one, til the present. It’s still an evolving process and connects me to amazing people!
PS. You had me a cheese with your syndicated post!
Hi Meg! I think that once I changed my blog I became more authentic. I had a blog called “Perfect Welcome” but it was a bit too anonymous. There were no pictures or anything and I felt stilted. I finally got permission from my husband to be more open, and then I felt authentic. I realized that I do best with pictures and few words peppered with deeper and longer posts, but when it’s all about the words it’s hard for me to keep it interesting.
I love this post. I smiled to the part of your husband coming home to chaos. You can’t always be perfect 🙂 being authentic is in my core. I have always followed my heart without putting the brakes on . It wasn’t always wise but it was me. I did not care what others were thinking or doing, I always followed my instincts. Having a life coach sounds exciting, she sounds lovely.
I can see that in your poetry Ayala. Go you!
I try to live my life authentically, something I made a decision to do a decade ago and I have never been happier. It wasn’t easy it meant letting go of some people in my life and also not adding others. I true to do things simply and with conscious care so as to not take on too much and to remain true to myself. Honestly one of things that makes me vibrate is my blog. I have a very full life but did not know I was missing a creative endeavor as well, only after I started my blog on a whim did I realize there had been a gap in my life that it completely filled. I am an introvert who wants to be an extrovert. My blog allows me to do that. Putting myself out there but with my own set of rules that I dictate so that I don;t overwhelmed. I love your list of things, I think they are perfect.
Hi Andi. I finally fixed the typo on boeuf, which not many would have noticed, but you would have. 😉 I also love that about the blog – putting it out there on my own terms. I am an extrovert, but I still need to have kind of a safe place to bare my soul. Never mind that it’s the world wide web, my blog is a place where I feel safe.
Great descriptors! I think I might try to do one for a post, then link it back to you. (Which actually means the kids are swirling, I don’t have time to think and anything I’d do right now wouldn’t be “authentic.” But I totally want to do it. Thanks for the great idea!
Shoot me a tweet when you do it so I can come and read. I would love to know what makes you authentic.