My husband bought a new lens. Our old lens is broken and we have another one that is not great quality. And, in addition to using the camera all the time for blogging, we have an upcoming event where we want to take family pictures (we’ll all be dressed up at a château) and we were also asked to photograph the event. So this was the impetus for getting a new lens.
Of course, as soon as my husband brought it home, he played around with it for awhile.
Testing outdoor lighting and indoor lighting.
But do you know what he realised (to his dismay)? The way this particular lens and our particular camera work together ruins the focus. Together, the two apparatus create the problem. Or they cancel each other out.
I forgot the terms – my husband is the tech guy, not me. Something about sensors and forward focus and all that. But the camera focuses on a spot just next to the spot he is aiming for in the viewfinder.
And that makes for fuzzy pictures.
And that is not the result you want to get when you buy an expensive lens. He confirmed his suspicions when he focused on the 15 centimetre mark on the ruler, only to see that when the photo was enlarged on the computer, the 16-17 mark was in focus and the 15 was not. (That was clever of him, wasn’t it)?
So he talked to the guys at the camera shop and decided to order a small thingamabob add-on, which is supposed to solve the problem. And hopefully that is all it takes – a little tweak to bring everything into focus.
I think I’ve been focused on the wrong subject, and the result is depressingly blurry. It’s not my eyes – it’s my heart, which is centring on the spot just next to where it’s supposed to be focused.
For instance, It’s not the roof over our heads and the cozy space we live in that I see; it’s that stupid little paper from the bank, allowing us to refinance and get the work done on our house, which never arrives, week after week.
It’s not the stately country I live in, with its age-old beauty and delicious foods and passionate Latin blood streaming through every vein; it’s the mounds of paperwork that are heaped on us – a requirement for double-taxation and to get citizenship.
It’s not the chance to serve and love and influence young minds through all my teaching jobs, and the children’s ministry that we oversee in our church; it’s the extra running around and planning and taking time away from quiet reading, writing and repose that I focus on.
It’s not the joy of being healthy, active and carefree – with my children at just such an age where I can start to have some independence; what I see is the depressing reality that my body does not snap into shape as quickly as it once did and the lack of motivation I have to try and change that. I see what I don’t have, not what I have.
It’s not the children I focus on – their beauty, energy, intelligence, humour, pure hearts, love of life and of God. No. I see endless needs, demands, requests, noise, mess, world without end, amen and amen.
I could chalk it all up to depression – those who have read me for awhile know that this is a lifelong battle – but I don’t think it’s just that. I think my issue is with the centre of my focus. I’ve simply lost that crystal-clear precision.
And I need a new lens.
You will find the lens you need; I just know it. Your heart knows where the focus needs to be, and it will get there. (If only it was as easy as buying a doohickey thingamabob at the store, though!)
Angela recently posted…Liar’s Bench – A review
I think you’re right. I also wonder if I don’t tend to feel a slump in general this time of year. I suspect that I do, although it’s a little late. One would think the grumps would come in Feb, not (nearly) April.
It’s so easy to lose focus on the things that really matter. The day to day aspects of life really can get in the way, can’t they?
Leigh Ann recently posted…the passing of time and the ones we love
Ugh! It is so true. The dailiness of it all is killing me softly.
I need a new lens too. Actually, I was just thinking about a new camera body. But the other way you are talking about, yeah that. xo
Elaine A. recently posted…Wild Kratts – On the Screen and Living at My House
Ignoring the spiritual/emotional aspect of this whole thing, 😉 my husband thinks quality lenses are worth more than quality camera bodies. What do you think?
OOOOO, what superb shots.
Gorgeous children.
and I LOVE the photo of that piano!!! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted…10 Lies Abusers Will Tell You
Mwah! Kimmie you are so full of fun and goodwill. xo
Every once in a while we all need to shift our perspective. Stay strong!
Hugs.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted…Re-run: At loss for words about Jesus
Merci Tinne. Oh! I have to go read your post, though I think I know what it’s about. 😀
I think the first step is noticing the problem, right? Then you can try to fix it – maybe get a little apparatus? This was beautiful, Jennie. And I think we all suffer from a misplaced focus. I certainly do.
Laura recently posted…Dear Cameron: A Love Letter to a 5 Year Old
Yes. I need a mental apparatus. 😉 I do seem to feel lighter today, which is a step in the right direction.
I always enjoy reading your posts. This one was interesting how you compared losing focus; I hope your depression eases. I sometimes think that depression (at least some) is related to growing old–or maybe seeing too much happen in our lives.
Thank you for the lovely photos too.
Ann recently posted…Hop to the Music with Disney–Giveaway
Hi Ann, so lovely to hear from you. Yes, I think you might be right. Depression was much more manageable when it seemed I had the world at my feet and I had not yet met with so much failure. But I think – I wonder – of there isn’t a “coming to the other side” where you start to feel at peace again, the older you get?
I don’t think you’ve lost focus, Jennie. I see it as a change in our needs. Like when Auggie’s vision grew fuzzy again, even with his glasses being only a year old. HE was different, a change in his make up…. requiring lens adjustment , the old ones no longer suitable.
We change… how can that around us, remain the same.
We are made for growth… that’s where discovery comes from. It’s a result of being dynamic. Only stasis, requires no change in what we need.
This is all good, Jennie.
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THAT is a good metaphor too (Auggie’s vision), and helps me to understand the situation better. (hugs)
One of my friends says something cool.. it’s something about widening the lens. I think I like shifting the focus just as much.
And on a non-metaphoric note, I had an issue similar and I had to go to a camera store and try my camera body with other lenses and my lenses with another camera body, just to see where the problem was.
It sucked! But it’s my career…
Tamara recently posted…Let’s All Snuggle And Be Merry.
Yes, and you are a master at it – an artisan. We are just poor people that can’t afford a new camera body. 😉
Perfect metaphor of focus here. It’s so easy to focus on the wrong things. Why does it often take tragedy to regain it? It takes a lot of work and I often have to pull myself away and out of nonsense.
Nina recently posted…Regretting a Friendship
Oh yes – plenty of perspective in tragedy (she says wryly). Now if only I can get it without that!
This is so beautifully written.
Depression creates that spot you know – where the camera fixates on and makes everything else look all fuzzy – it’s not you. Everything is still beautiful despite it and I hope that you know that. When you shift your focus, everything will be just as it was… and I know that you’re going to fight to get the focus back. You always do.
Love you and know that I’m always here for you mmmmkay xoxo
Kimberly recently posted…One Pill, Two Pill, White Pill, Yellow Pill
You’re right. Depression does something really funny. I want so much for my kids to escape this, but it’s a Catch-22 because if I am not able to meet their needs … (although I think I ‘mostly’ am). Anyway. Let me turn my thoughts to something brighter.