Ten Disadvantages of Living in France

Oh I was all up in arms yesterday when I was at the height of my stress and had plenty of ammunition for why my life was terribly hard. But that was yesterday.

Today, I can manage no more than a tongue-in-cheek commentary on why it’s so hard to live in France. And I will do so in a minute. But first, can I tell you about two things?

I forgot to mention that my memoir was on sale for only .99 at the beginning of the week. It’s on the Kindle countdown deal, going on until Monday, so it keeps increasing in price until it returns to the original $5.99. If you’ve been meaning to read it, you can click on the link below (actually, the huge book cover) and it will lead you directly to Amazon. And if you think of anybody that might like to read it, would you let them know?

I made the image nice and pinnacle too. 😉

The other thing I have already mentioned, but it was sort of buried in a post. I was chosen as a finalist in the European Blog Category for the weblog awards called The Bloggies. I would so appreciate your vote to win the category. When you click on the (enormous) button I made, it will take you to their site, and you have to scroll down until you see the European Blog category. When you have checked my blog and/or any other blog you wish to vote for, scroll to the very bottom and input your name and e-mail. They won’t spam you. Once you’ve submitted your vote, you’ll have to verify the link in your e-mail (by clicking on it) and then you’re all set! You can only vote once.

Thank you. Alright, now back down to business.

Ten Disadvantages of Living in France

1. One reason it’s so hard (cue the violins) to live in France is because the houses are so tiny! And there are no cupboards. Do you have a hoarder’s tendency? Forget about it! Do you have sons with Legos? Deny them!

2. And don’t think you can afford to pay for a cleaning lady to give you a hand when it all gets to be too much. It’s not just a measly 12€ an hour you’re going to fork out. You will have to pay for her social charges, vacation time, sometimes her travel costs to get to your house – or her lunch. And when you politely end the contract, you will surely be hit with another bill and a mound of paperwork. But it will be when you’ve conveniently filed all the information you need (like her date of birth, social security number and last day worked) in some random place.

3. So when the ironing piles up (as it will), it’s literally going to pile up right in the entranceway, where sit the washing machine and dryer, ironing board, backpacks, trumpets, coats, swimming paraphernalia, shoes and scooters.

4. This makes it hard when you have to climb over everything in the mornings to open the shutters, and then again at night to close the shutters – as one must do. When you live in France.

So there will be no discreet basement laundry room equipped with a television to watch your favourite soap opera, and that brings me to number 5.

5. Everything on TV is in French. Even if you speak French, you don’t really want to hear the dowager in Downton Abbey lamenting about the “relay-shuns” in French. You miss all the humour! So you’re stuck buying DVDs. And these pile up in your bookshelves and on your dresser

6. Paperwork. Right now we’re in the process of refinancing our house loans, getting a new loan for major construction, declaring our taxes in both France and America, and (for me) applying for French citizenship (I have my French test tomorrow). I’m hovering on the brink of insanity, so shall not delve further into the notion of … paperwork.

7. Our (not very) bilingual kids. I was so excited about my children reading my childhood favourites – Chronicles of Narnia, Little House, Anne of Green Gables (and the newer Harry Potter). But they don’t want any of it unless it’s in French! I finally surrendered and started taking them to the library because otherwise they won’t read at all.

And yesterday, our sweet neighbour brought over an entire box of books.

But they’re in French! I guess I should just be glad that they will read anything at all instead of watching TV.

“Maman regardes!” says Juliet. “La Petite Maison dans la Prairie! Je peux le lire, enfin.”

Harrumph.

8. High cost of living. Oh yes. Remember these old couches?

Still there. My iPhone is a 3G and I have to wait a full minute after I press a button for anything to happen. And I have to drive at 15 miles per hour when I go over potholed roads in my 1992 Corolla or I will crash into a lamppost. But the car is not worth the repairs it needs, nor can we buy a new one.

9. There is a dearth of places to exercise. If you can manage to find a gym at all (there are not many), it is sure that it will be a) out of your price range, b) have no parking so you’re stressed about where to put your car, c) open only at 10AM so those who like to exercise early, then take a shower, and then get on with the day are just fools out of luck.

And of course all the pools are only open at lunch time when they are jam-packed with slugs who don’t know how to circle swim. And jogging/biking along the Seine is a sure way to collect mud. I just don’t know how those French people stay so skinny since they don’t seem to do anything. And that brings me to my last point.

10. Food.

Oh yes. Oh yes. You think this is a point in France’s favour, don’t you? Those tasty pastries. Gimme s’more cheese, please. It’s about time for some wine. And don’t fahget the baguette.

But no.

One cannot eat the pastries and bread if one has a gluten intolerance. One cannot touch the wine if one has a … um … past. And nobody wants to eat cheese without bread and wine. So the French food manages to keep you tempted from afar –  unsatiated – while somehow still collecting around your waist. How does that happen? How? I ask you.

I think it’s pretty evident that there are some very real disadvantages to living in France, don’t you agree?

No? Oh just humour me then. 😉

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