In France, we are ahead of the States in experiencing the effects of the virus, and are currently in week two of a government-imposed, country-wide quarantine, which means that you may only go out for doctor or pharmacy, for groceries, for an hour of sports (alone or with a child, and far from others), or for essential work – and you need a document stating your purpose and an ID in case you get stopped or you face a fine.
But I would say it’s coming up on three weeks that I have started to become aware of how much more dangerous the virus is than the simple flu – and why. Three weeks ago this coming Sunday we still had church, but there was disinfectant gel provided and we were encouraged not to give the standard greetings (two kisses, a handshake, or a hug). I briefly spoke to a doctor friend of mine, who is one of the most laid-back people I know, and when I saw how concerned he was, I knew I needed to take it more seriously than I had been.
That Tuesday, I got together with my girlfriends to do our Bible study and shared scriptures on fear and the greatness of God because one of them was already afraid and hadn’t come to church for fear of contracting the virus. There was an underlying criticism on my end – that she wasn’t faithful enough, which is why she was afraid. I’ll talk more about that below. The following Saturday, we were supposed to have teen service, and some parents suggested canceling it, but I didn’t agree. My thought was – if we’re still going to work or school, why should cancel an event for God?
That Thursday, I drove to La Defense to meet a friend, who wasn’t really aware of the virus, and I told her to keep distance (no kisses) but I could see she didn’t really get it. Later, I found out she already had the virus when we met but didn’t know what it was. I also went clothes shopping that day, although I held my breath when I was near people and tried to keep a distance. I tried to avoid touching handles and I had my disinfectant gel. And honestly it wasn’t all that fun. I was more than ready to come home when it was all over.
The next night – Friday night – Macron announced the closing of school, and I listened to the announcement with great relief. We had already canceled our teen event, and I was just starting to realise that we needed a quarantine – especially when I saw what was happening in Italy. I don’t know if any of you saw the video clip of the American minister’s wife in Milan (Rachel) on CNN or on the Today Show, but it’s someone I know since we’re in the same church. I knew how serious the epidemic had gotten from my friends there, and I knew it was coming our way.
On Monday, I went grocery shopping as though we would be quarantined, though for the moment only schools were closed. I wore my reading glasses and a mask that we have for light construction projects. Someone laughed at me with my mask when I walked into the mall, and someone else took a video of my overflowing cart. (I would like to say in my defense, however, that much of it was perishable items that would last us about two weeks and a big bag of fertiliser and grass seed and some plants also took up space. So I wouldn’t say I was exactly depriving other people of what they needed).
The store didn’t have any toilet paper – or I couldn’t access the aisle because of the people – and I bought gluten-free pasta, which I need anyway, and organic red and black rice, and dried biscottes instead of sliced bread since they didn’t have any of the usual things left. And let me tell you, it was a sea of a humanity, and I was so SO glad I had my mask. When I got home, my kids and I washed all the packaging before bringing it in, and I took a shower and washed my hair and put my clothes in the laundry – and I’m not at all a germaphobe, normally!
That night, Macron declared a general quarantine (with the certified reasons for going out). Six times, he said, “We are in a war.” For us, the major shortage of masks and beds and respiratory machines and medical staff will be a major problem, as is the case in almost every other country. He shared about the economic bailout plan and how he wouldn’t leave the small businesses hanging, and how they would get more masks and protective gear as soon as it could be bought and produced. And they’ve been talking about nothing but Covid ever since. They use the TGV to transport ICU patients to other hospitals that are less full, and Germany is even taking some of our patients on the Eastern border since they have much more equipment.
The next day, Tuesday, my son got sick. All of us had mild symptoms, actually, but my son was the worst with fever. He didn’t want to eat and took a nap (two major signs something is wrong). The fever only lasted 2 days, and he coughed a little for about a week, and since I’m pretty sure it was the virus, I know we were really lucky. Now we’re settling in to life with home schooling and quarantine, and I’ll mention a bit more about what we’re doing down below. But first I want to talk about the range of emotions I’ve felt under the threat of the virus and this worldwide pandemic, and include some scriptures that are putting things into perspective for me.
DENIAL, THEN FEAR
It’s so hard when you’re watching the news every night and seeing the absolute lack of control and lack of resources we’re facing. It makes it harder when you keep looking for symptoms in yourself or your family and wondering – is this is it? – or is that it? Or perhaps you actually get it. We have some friends in church that have contracted it, and fortunately all have come through, even some of the more severe cases, without needing hospitalisation. We’re waiting to hear on family members of friends. And then we had our own mild case in the family, which was not reassuring when I didn’t know which way it would go.
This scripture helps me to keep the panic at bay. (In the NIV it says, do not be dismayed, but I love this New American Standard version).
‘Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
Isaiah 41:10
I think about this a lot when the fear starts to creep up. If you’re feeling particularly afraid right now, I’ve dealt with my own fears and storms in these two posts, which might help. But I just love that scripture because it reminds me of the sort of hyperventilating we do when anxious.
Let me not look anxiously about me wondering what will strike next. Instead, let me look up! And seek God’s face. His eyes are already on me anyway.
CRITICAL SPIRIT
I had to apologize to my friend for being proud and critical when I thought she was just staying home out of fear. I was wrong and the pandemic was far worse than I could imagine. I see the same signs on my FB feed from people who are still watching all this unfold far away, who don’t think it will affect them. Or they think that the cure is worse than the disease (because staying home and closing businesses threatens to tank the world economy). I want to scoff at them and show them all the statistics – or even worse! Just sit back and say, “Well we’ll see who’s right.” (I’m obviously not trying to make myself look good here).
But then I remember that I, too, was ignorant, and I would not like to be judged for my past ignorance. In fact, God overlooks our past ignorance once we are made aware and change. Hebrews 5:2 speaks of Jesus as our high priest, saying:
“He can deal gently with people who are ignorant and easily deceived, since he himself is subject to weakness.”
Jesus, as a man, knew what it was to be weak, so he treats gently those who are ignorant and easily deceived. And if he, who is perfect, doesn’t scoff or disdain or rebuke in impatience those who don’t understand yet, then neither will I.
GUILT
We are rich, and we have it good. I mean, not so rich that we don’t have to make choices about how to spend our limited funds, but rich in the country, town, and house in which we live. When I’m out in our garden, working in the sun and looking at the flowers, I remember that there are those who are living in a chambre de bonne in Paris – a 7-story walk-up studio that’s less than 100 square feet, with no shower or kitchen, and you share a tiny toilet down the hall. I know because I once lived in one.
I have friends from the Ivory Coast who are hosting another family recently arrived (so, 4 adults and 5 teenagers and a pre-teen), and they’re living together in a small apartment. Then there are the homeless, the migrant camps, the vast 3d world countries that don’t stand a chance against the virus (much less the violence, terrorism, poverty, locusts, drought and famine) that already afflict them. How do I bear living in such privilege when others have such disadvantage?
I must honour God with what I’ve been given and also give back as much as I can. I don’t think we’re meant to live in guilt, even if it doesn’t seem fair at all. God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and Jesus’s shoulders are larger than mine. His shoulders can handle the burden; mine simply can’t. My role is to pray for the poor, and to serve them in whatever capacity I have, whether monetary, or time, or both. God’s job is to take care of all the needs I can’t see or reach or handle.
I know that the LORD will act on behalf of the tormented, providing justice for the needy.
Psalm 140:12 ISV
-Who is like the Lord our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,
who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?
-He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes,
with the princes of his people.
Psalm 113:5-8 NIV
IMMUNE
I had a lot of good intentions to help the community, especially at the beginning of the week when we first started the quarantine. But I was tired. I needed to sleep about 13 hours a day for the first few days, probably because of the virus. I wanted to lend our tablets to some of the poorer children in the community so they could do schoolwork, but in the end did nothing because it seemed like too much work to prepare the tablets and figure out how to lend them. And I learned that most parents do have smartphones and can use those to submit schoolwork.
I varied back and forth about which charities to donate to. I asked my older neighbors once if they needed groceries (they didn’t), then felt justified in stocking my own cart at the store. I ended up giving a box of construction masks we found to our doctor, but then my good will petered out. I seemed only able to care for my own routine of kids & school, house & garden, writing, and online church.
This next scripture is about idolatry, but it’s an image that helps me keep the right perspective when I’m tempted to be immune to the needs and suffering of others, and when I’m tempted to put other things above God:
They turned their backs to me and not their faces; though I taught them again and again, they would not listen or respond to discipline. Jeremiah 32:33 NIV
It’s kind of like… now that my house is stocked with food (but running out of toilet paper) and my family seems to be recovered and only lightly touched by the virus, and my husband can work from home, I grow… complacent. I stop worrying. I’m not in survival – or compassionate assistance – mode. I’ve forgotten how much we all need God – always, at all times – but especially now. I’ve turned my back on Him because I haven’t needed him as much now that my fears have been calmed. Yet I’m not turning my face from Him, so that the minute I’m afraid again I’ll be able to call out.
But no! That’s wrong. That’s not what it means to belong to God, who is gentle and caring and knows even the number of hairs on our heads. The only way I can continue to remember the needs – and what I can do to meet them so that I don’t become immune – is to continue to bring them to God in prayer – daily, or more than once a day. And then act on whatever I can and see Him work. This is my relationship with God – our partnership, His power in action.
All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I had been eager to do all along. Galatians 2:10
So these are some of the emotions I’ve been experiencing in the last few weeks (including the less noble among them) but I’ve also been experiencing joy!
WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?
So yeah, while I think it’s important to take the virus seriously – STAY HOME AND SAVE LIVES – and to have our hearts and hands ready for the needs and our minds ready in prayer, I think it’s also important to continue to live and focus on the blessings we’ve been given. I think it’s what God also wants us to do if we can. Jesus died humbly, but he lived gloriously.
As for me, I’m enjoying my extra time with my kids and husband (who would be traveling right now). I’m enjoying the quieter rhythm, the slower pace, the quality time and the family talks.
I’m taking pleasure in my garden and spending time there. We removed the weed-fest that was under my clothes line (so that burrs kept catching on the pant legs and sheets) and covered it was tarp, bark and potted plants.
We’re watching the tulips come up in the garden bed my husband made last year, and we’re sowing grass right next to it around the raised garden beds that we’ll use for vegetables. (This was a weed-fest too).
I’m growing lots of hydrangeas next to my front door because I love them and hope they will grow big enough to to make dried flower bouquets.
I’m rationing food to make it last! And I’m cooking thoughtful meals. Click here if you want my recipe index for ideas. This is ratatouille from yesterday, and today I made stir-fried leeks with cream and Dijon mustard.
And I’m writing, of course. You know this is why I’m not often on the blog anymore. I have a cover reveal for my next book, which is coming out in April. I love this cover and am so excited about this release.
She needs a champion. He needs one less person to worry about.
Selena Lockhart comes with neither fortune nor connections, and she knows better than to expect Society to give her a welcome—especially after her father gambled away his fortune, precipitating the family’s sudden fall from grace and Selena’s betrothed to break off the engagement. It therefore comes as no surprise that her new neighbor, Sir Lucius, treats her with disdain. Why should he look beyond appearances when her own promises so little?
Sir Lucius Clavering is not married, but he may as well be, considering he is expected to escort his widowed mother to watering holes, round out the numbers at his married sister’s dinners, and come to the aid of his scapegrace younger siblings. It doesn’t help that single women and matchmaking mamas jostle each other for his face, fortune, and title so that he’s left without a moment’s peace.
When Selena shows up at Lucius’s doorstep looking for help, he is sure it’s another ploy aimed at cutting up his prized bachelor existence. Although his prejudice does not last long, Lucius fears his first reaction might have ruined his chances with her. How can he save her from Society’s teeth when she continues to hold him at arm’s length?
Finally… A FAITHFUL PROPOSAL in on SALE this week!
My publisher set my most recent release, A Faithful Proposal to just .99 this week so that people will have it for an online book club I’m doing next month. If you want details, just send me an email. And you can get A Faithful Proposal by clicking here. I do love this story and thought about it long after I finished it. I hope you like it too. We still need happily-ever-afters in our world.
That’s the news from my corner of the world. Feel free to leave me a comment and let me know how you’re doing in yours.
