Vienna Waits for You

When, at the tender age of 18, I sang along to Billy Joel’s Vienna Waits for You, identifying oh so well with those lyrics…

Slow down, you crazy child
You’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?
You’d better cool it off before you burn it out
You’ve got so much to do
And only so many hours in a day

I could not have known that when I finally did make it to Vienna, I would be seeing it from the vantage point of a wheelchair. It was a thoroughly humbling experience because, although I’ve slowly been getting more and more rundown physically – mentally I keep expecting to pop back up again and pick up where I left off. I can’t imagine just stopping everything to heal. What am I going to do with myself…nothing?

But it seems God had another plan. Fatigue alone would not have put me in a wheelchair, but the sprained foot I thought I had since the month of August, and for which I was wearing a special suspension shoe that took the weight off my foot and put it on my ankle, actually turned out to be a huge case of tendonitis starting with the tendons on the arch (both above and below the foot) and snaking up the ankle to the side of my leg. That shoe was not the worst thing I could have worn, but it came close.

And I was on my feet constantly while preparing for my husband’s 50th birthday party. By the time we left for Vienna (we had the Sunday to try and clean up – and failed – and we left that Monday), I had trouble putting pressure on my foot, and we both wondered whether the entire vacation would be spent in the hotel. We had the idea of asking for a wheelchair to navigate the standing and walking at the airport, which led to getting one in Vienna (the airport is spread out, so that was a good idea), which led to us asking at the hotel, where we were lent one for free during our stay there.

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you

If you missed it earlier, this whole Vienna thing came about because my husband remembered my mentioning once in our early days how much I identified with the song. And last February, when we went on our church married retreat, there were these little decorated jars with slips of paper where you could each write down date ideas to pull out at random. I put things like lunch and a museum. Matthieu put down Vienna.

Since his birthday party was on the day of our wedding anniversary, this Vienna trip was to celebrate us. But oh goodness, the song was prophetic. The party absolutely destroyed me physically (high blood pressure, arthritis flare-up, anxiety – but this is not supposed to be a post to gripe about medical problems so I’ll stop there). The wheelchair was actually welcome because I was so exhausted, even my hands hung limp at my sides, exacerbated by all the phoning and texting I did in the days leading up to the party. Texting can wreak havoc, man.

Slow down, you’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,
Too bad but it’s the life you lead
You’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you’re wrong, you know
You can’t always see when you’re right. you’re right

I get so ahead of myself that I forget what I need, and this party just brought everything to a head. I forgot to delegate and pray and chill out a little and settle for less than perfect, and actually look around and enjoy the gorgeous success it was. Enjoy the panorama of faces who love us. There is so much to savor in life when you’re not white-knuckling your idea of perfect.

You’ve got your passion, you’ve got your pride
But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don’t imagine they’ll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Life is so beautiful when you stop, and sit down to drink in its sweetness.

When you stay quiet and open your senses to what’s around you, when you put aside the panic and the desperation, the scrambling to determine your worth by the legacy you leave behind.

Every life is a legacy, whether you live large or small.

Slow down, you crazy child
And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
It’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Today is my birthday. I am 48 and solidly middle-aged. Youth will not come back, though in my heart of hearts I feel as wide-eyed and filled with wonder as did that kid who lay on the grass in her backyard and tried to spot pictures in the clouds.

I just finished my third book, after countless revisions (thus my silence on the blog), and am querying agents this time around because self-marketing is an exhausting thing. The editing has consumed me for weeks.

But today I’m stopping to ask myself where the hurry is, and how is it that I could fall back onto that slippery slope of yoking my worth to my achievements. How is it, over the course of these past months (year?), I could have forgotten to take time off, and slow down, and look around in wonder.

I can afford to lose a day or two.

Hayden in St. Augustine church #Vienna

A post shared by Jennie Goutet (@aladyinfrance) on Nov 4, 2017 at 12:56am PDT

Vienna turned out to be a completely different trip than I imagined. It was harder to get around in the wheelchair so we did less. I was cold from not moving (and the colder climate), and felt so worn out I could only handle half-day visits. Even on the last day, when I had started to recover and we actually went sight-seeing, my poor mother-in-law, who was watching our kids, broke her foot in two places and needed emergency surgery. It ruined the enjoyment, worrying and wondering if we should try to fly out that night, instead of the next day as planned. So it was not the fabulous romantic getaway I envisioned. (Is there even a Borderine in Vienna? I never found out.) But it was, nevertheless, a memorable trip. Vienna is, for me, a city rich in significance.

You know the sweet thing about the wheelchair? Every time my husband leaned down to release the brake on one side, then the other, he kissed me first on one cheek, then the other. He was happy to love me, even when I had nothing to offer in return. The legacy was not what I achieved. It was just me.

Why don’t you realize, Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Comments

I love to hear from you, friends. You can comment using the box below or your Facebook profile. But FB doesn't notify me of new comments, so if the post is more than a week old and you want to make sure I see your comment, it's better to use the comment box. Merci!